After The End
by Evaline
Summary: Directly after last episode of season 7. Buffy is left to deal with the world, but what happened to Spike? (What I would have liked to happen should the series have continued-very b/s friendly *wink*)
1. And The End Credits Roll

"I love you." "No you don't. But thanks for saying it." Buffy shook the voices out of her head as she looked out over what once was Sunnydale. "You okay, Buff?" Xander stepped up to stand beside her. "Yeah." Buffy tried to be happy that this was all over. That they had won. But she kept thinking of him. How, in their last moments together, he still didn't know how much she loved him. Even when she'd said it.  
"We won. We..won." Giles whipped his glasses off on his shirt, completely flabbergasted. The girls also wore similar expressions of surprise and excitement.  
Buffy swallowed hard, looking around her. She should be happy. Look at all of her friends. They were all here. They had made it through hell. Literally. Why do I feel like this?  
  
Why do I feel like this? Spike thought as the light consumed him. Why did he feel this heavy weight upon his chest? He had ended it-he stopped the world from ending. Still, somehow this wasn't enough. He needed more. He heard her voice in his head, her gentle 'I love you' echoing through the everlasting silence of death. "I love you."  
There was no pain. There was no anything. Simple blinding white surrounded him as he drifted without rhyme or reason. However, it wasn't he who drifted. He didn't exist. His body wasn't there-he could not see or smell or touch or hear. But he knew. He who was nothing could sense being nothing, could sense the warm light washing over him. Could sense her. "I love you."  
He traveled through this place and yet remained; he tried to cover his face from the light, but couldn't raise an arm that didn't exist. He hummed when he couldn't, just to make the memories lower their volume. "I love you."  
  
Buffy looked around at her troops. Like lost pets they appeared, looking to her of all people for guidance. Wanting to follow her home when she in fact did not know the way. She had to be strong for them. But fate had taken her strength.  
Giles walked to the front of the group and cleared his throat. "Alright everyone. First thing's first. We must get our injured to a hospital. Come on, back on the bus." Amidst good-natured groans and complaints, the Slayers and civilians once again climbed aboard the trusted school bus.  
"Buffy?" Dawn reached out and gently laid a hand upon her older sister's shoulder.  
Buffy turned to Dawn. She tried to smile, but couldn't force her lips to such a lighthearted expression. One thought continued to flow through her mind. "He's gone."  
Dawn looked down at the pavement, and nodded. "He saved us. He saved us all." She gestured to the bus, in her mind gesturing to the entire world. For that was what he had saved.  
Buffy blinked hard. She would not cry. How dare she be selfish? How dare she, even for a moment, wish that he had come with her, and died with her, rather than died saving them? She had no right. Slowly, she turned and went with Dawn back to the bus. 


	2. Missing You

The infinite warm surrounded him, and gently aroused him from unconsciousness. A sleep so deep and thoughtless he didn't know what had happened. Who was he? Where was he? What was he? As the panic began to spread, he searched the deep crevasses of his mind for any memory, any flicker of his life. Anything to show he was once material. Anything to prove that he had existed. Or did. Or would.  
Into his senses poured a rich scent. Powerful. It over took his whole and he was left with a nagging thought. I know this. This was familiar. He tried to think what it smelled like-but he couldn't remember the words. It was beautiful and airy and filled with-something. And he knew it was utterly his. Every fiber of himself knew this scent, knew it belonged to him in someway. But what was it?  
He dug deeper. But he could think of nothing productive. A whisper tickled in his ears but he couldn't make it out. The sound. He knew it. The same way he knew that smell. They wrapped themselves together in his mind. They were part of the same. The sound was rich and beautiful and full of- something. What is it?  
He felt warmth within his brain. He had felt once. This he knew. This warmth he had felt, and it felt like his. He knew it. This was all he could think. I know this. I know this. These three things swirled and looped around within him, reminding him of something. Something. Some whisper, some smell, some warmth. They grew stronger in their combination. Almost overpowering. They came into him and utterly filled him with something so rich, so beautiful, so warm, so airy and light, so utterly-Buffy.  
Buffy.  
  
"Buffy?" Buffy woke with a start in the hotel room. Dawn was sitting on the edge of her bed. She sat up with a start. "What? What happened? Is everyone okay?" Dawn shook her head a little and smiled, trying to calm her. "Everything's okay." Everything's okay? Buffy winced. "Then what?" "You were having a nightmare." "I was?" Even upon saying this, the horrors of her dream returned to her. Dawn must have seen the look on her face, for she leaned in to hug her. "It's okay now Buffy. We won, remember? Everything's going to be fine." Buffy strugged with a smile for her. She calmly waited until Dawn went back to bed. Only then did she lie down and allow herself to recount the horrid dream.  
"Buffy!" Spike ran across the cave to her as she dropped to the floor.  
He picked her up gently and rested her head in his lap. No matter that  
the battle was going on around them. "Buffy, look at me."  
She struggled to open her eyes. And all she saw was him. He was bathed  
in light and looking positively terrified. His hands were covered in  
blood. Her blood. She looked down in horror to the gapping hole in  
her stomach. He was getting covered in it. She tried to talk-tried to  
speak. "Sp-.Spi."  
Spike whipped some dirt from her face tenderly. Then he started to  
cry. "Buffy..Buffy.you've got to be okay..Buff?"  
She tried to tell him 'I'm right here' but she couldn't open her  
mouth. He sobbed harder. He pulled her to him and rocked her gently.  
"Buffy I love you. I love you more than I can bear it. It doesn't even  
matter if you don't love me. Just please, don't leave."  
She loved him. She loved him and she couldn't say it. Again she opened  
her mouth. "Sp-.I."  
He pulled back to look at her face and smiled bitterly. She had never  
seen such sorrow. "What love? I'm here. I'll never leave you."  
She moved her fingers, testing to see if they still worked. She then  
carefully lifted her hand and put it to the back of his neck. Every  
movement hurt. And he looked at her so heartbrokenly. She tried to  
pull him down to her but she had no strength. "I lo-.v-."  
He blinked at her. Didn't he know? How could he not know how much she  
cared? He seemed to feel the little pressure she was putting on him,  
for he lowered his face closer to hers. "I love ya, pet."  
She used all her remaining strength to pull her head up from his lap.  
Gently she pressed her lips to his. She felt his surprise, his  
unyielding love. Afterwards he lowered her back down, a little smirk  
upon his lips.  
She took a deep breath and willed out her words. "I love you Spike."  
Buffy cried her way back to sleep, wishing that she had died in that  
cave instead of lived on without him. For this wasn't living. 


	3. Heaven and Hell

The next morning the group packed up again and went on. Where they were going, they didn't know. They sure as hell weren't going to Cleveland.  
  
Willow dozed as they drove, resting her head upon Kennedy's shoulder. Xander sat staring out the window like a zombie, humming to himself. Dawn sat quietly talking with some of the Slayerettes. Giles tried not to crash the bus into the boulders that lined the road. Everyone was doing something. Everyone was trying to move on. Even Andrew sat playing a video game. Everyone was dealing. Why couldn't she?  
Buffy opened her bag, which Dawn had brought for her. Inside were various articles. Clothing. Stakes. Books. A few crosses. And a manila envelope. A manila envelope? Buffy frowned slightly and lifted the packet to her lap. With it wafted a familiar smell. Like leather and bleach and cologne. Buffy bit her tongue. She carefully opened it. Inside were several sheets of paper. Upon pulling them out, she found all too familiar handwriting. And that smell.  
She didn't think she could read the letter. But she knew she had to. Even looking at the paper brought tears to her eyes. But she had to know. She began to read.  
"Buffy-  
I hope the Niblet gives you this. No matter what happens.  
Because there are some things that I need you to know.  
I couldn't give a sodding rat's ass that you are the Slayer. I  
don't care you have all those wonky superpowers and that. Those things  
have nothing to do with us. I know there is no us, and you have to  
know that drives me absolutely mad. But who better to understand you?  
You changed me. You are the only person who has ever thought I  
could be more than what I am. This amulet in my hand-you said it  
belonged to a champion. And you gave it to me.  
I love you. You know I always have. And always will. It drives  
me bloody crazy to know I can never have you. But that's nothing  
compared to thinking-just for a moment-that I couldn't see you.  
Couldn't hear your voice. I do believe I'd die.  
You and I, we're bloody perfect for each other. Know I'll love  
you forever. See you soon, pet.  
-Spike"  
  
Buffy. That's what it was. It was Buffy. Everything came back to him as if a floodgate had been opened in his mind. He could smell her sweet intoxicating scent all around him. He heard her voice. He could feel her hands in his hair, on his face. This must be heaven, he thought. He heard the way she laughed and cried. He sensed her smile. He could see those endless waves of golden hair moving lightly in the breeze. Every bit of her.  
He could see her, yes. And hear and feel her. Even smell her. But he couldn't lay a hand upon her. He couldn't whisper in her ear or kiss her. He tried to reach out but had no hands with which to reach. She was there, around him, and he still couldn't have her. This must be hell, he thought.  
Spike felt the waves of panic around him once more. No. He couldn't. He needed her. He couldn't live without her. Yeah, but you're not living. Excellent. Brilliant. Talking to himself. That would help things. Bloody.  
He became more and more agitated. He couldn't calm himself-the echo of her voice, "I love you", the feel of her hand in his. He couldn't have left now. Not when things were finally changing. When he was changing. When she was changing. No.  
He sensed something. It chilled the air around him, yet was bright and warm. It slid up beside him. "What's wrong, William?"  
"Mother?"  
  
"Mom?" Buffy woke up with a start from another dream. She looked around. Still on the bus. The envelope beside her. Peculiar dream. Her mother had been sitting with her in their living room. They had been planning Buffy's funeral. She had ordered two hundred white roses and a white casket.  
She looked around. It was late. Most everyone was asleep. Even Giles. They weren't even moving-he had pulled over to catch a few hours rest. Night and the world was asleep. Except for Buffy. She sat there, remembering Spike's letter. Why did she always cry herself to sleep? He didn't even know. In the end he didn't even know I loved him. 


	4. Remember

"WELCOME TO NEVADA!!!" A sign by the side of the road read. Why Nevada? Buffy thought, confused. Why does it matter where we go?  
They rode in silence all day. Every now and again they would pull over at a rest stop, or go to get food items of some sort. But always back to the bus. Always back to the road. Always on the move. They never stopped to rest. "Can't we rest, Buffy?" Buffy tried to think of other things. Look out there. That was a cactus. And look-a dead snake. Poor dead snake. Dead. Like Spike. This wasn't working. She looked the other way. Kennedy lay with her head in Willow's lap as Willow looked out the window, playing with her hair. He used to like to play with my hair. He wanted to call me Goldilocks. In frustration she turned to look at Xander. He was sleeping in one of his many Hawaiian print t-shirts. Remember when Spike had to wear one of those shirts?  
No matter what she thought of, it brought back memories of him. She closed her eyes and remembered when they were in that old house with no electricity. They hit a little bump and she remembered the sound of his motorcycle hitting potholes. She breathed in and remembered what it felt like to have his intoxicating scent fill her senses. She blinked and remembered leaving him to his fiery death. Without even saying goodbye.  
She closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to the cool window. "Goodbye, Spike."  
  
"Hello, William."  
"Mother?"  
"Yes, William."  
Spike was completely confused. How could they be speaking? How could she be here?  
"Where are we? Why are you here? What is this place?"  
He heard her sweet laughter echoing throughout this place. "William, you are in Heaven."  
"Heaven?"  
"Yes." She paused slightly. "Everyone has their own special part of heaven. What they wanted heaven to be. This is yours."  
Spike pondered this. He could see, smell, feel, and hear Buffy. Yup. It was his part of Heaven alright. "Then why are you here?"  
"William, you aren't happy."  
"No, I'm not."  
"Why? This is what you want, isn't it?"  
If Spike still had a body he would have pouted his lips. "No. I want Buffy."  
"But you have her. Here."  
Spike let Buffy's smooth voice wash over him for a moment. "No, mother. I don't. She's down there, without me."  
"There's nothing you can do about that, William."  
Spike felt his anger building up within him. "We'll see about that."  
He felt a slight pressure upon him. His mother. Trying to calm him. But it would do no good. He would do anything to get back to Buffy. Anything.  
  
Anything. She'd give anything, just to go back to that one moment. She wouldn't have run. He would've said "Go, Buffy!" And she would have cried out "I'm not leaving you. I can't." And she would have wrapped her arms around him and held him and died the way she'd always dreamt of. In his arms.  
It's not supposed to be this way, she thought stubbornly. She gently fingered his letter to her. He loved me. Really loved me. She thought back to when he was still alive. Well, when he was still here. When he had been jealous of Angel. When he had defended her against her friends. In all her life, he was the only person who'd ever been loyal. Who'd always been there for her. Spike, where did you go? Why did you leave me? 


	5. Fantasies

AN: A big thank you to everyone who's taken interest in my story so far. Please review-I'll write so long as I know someone beside myself is enjoying this.  
  
WARNING: If you don't enjoy b/s I'd leave this one alone right now. Includes some Buffy fantasies.  
  
After much deliberation, the group decided to stay in Nevada until they could get back on their feet. They stopped the bus for a final time at a quaint rental apartment complex. Using money the Council had wired over after the final battle, they rented 12 apartments. One for Xander and Andrew. One for Buffy and Dawn. One for Giles and Robin. One for Willow and Kennedy. One for Faith. And one for every three to four of the twenty some Slayers. The Council, with Giles help, was trying to figure out what to do with them. For the first time ever, there was actually a demand for Watchers. So far, the plan was to send one or two of the trainees to each hell mouth around the world. Until then, the girls were left together to enjoy each other's company.  
Buffy tried to help. Here they all were, planning the rest of their lives. And there she was, just wanting to crawl back to the crater she'd called home for so long. She was finally free. She was no longer in charge of saving the world. So why wasn't she happier? He's never coming back. You know that. Now just accept it. It won't do any good to cry. As many times as she told herself this, it didn't help. It was like she was forced to live without her vision, or her hearing. Hell, it was like trying to live without a heart. And it wasn't getting any easier. She needed him.  
  
"I need her." Spike cried out to his mother. Didn't anyone up here understand that?  
"William. You can't go back. You've had more than your share of time upon Earth. That's not the way it works."  
"Why? Why does it have to be that way?" Spike snarled at this spirit who had given him life. "You said Heaven was every person's own ideal. Why can't I have mine?"  
"We cannot alter fate. You were meant to die."  
"Yes." Spike argued. "I was meant to die. And I did. Best sodding day ever. All sunshine and smiles and the like. But who's to say I have to stay dead?" He spun around wildly inside his white prison. "Why can't I go back?"  
He heard her sigh, exasperated. He had never been fun to argue with. So bloody stubborn. "There are rules. Rules you cannot mess with. Rules you cannot change."  
"Such as?" Spike prodded.  
"Fate cannot be changed, William. You did what you had to. You saved the world. You were destined for that."  
"No." Spike said plainly. "I was destined for her."  
  
Their apartment was far from cozy. The walls were painted white, so white it showed every smudge, every fault. The carpet resembled a bruised peach, it was so stained. But it was their new home. For now.  
Dawn did what she could. She promptly unpacked her few belongings and went about fixing their beds. Funny, how their roles had changed. Funny how suddenly Dawn had to take care of her.  
"Hey, Buff?" Dawn came out of her bedroom.  
Buffy looked up at her from the sofa. "Hmm?"  
"We-Giles, Willow, Xander, me-were going to go out to dinner. Are you coming?"  
Buffy sighed. As much as she loved sitting around here moping. She put on her brave face. "Sure, Dawn. I'll come."  
Dawn smiled at her. "Good. I'll go tell them."  
Buffy watched as her sister walked out into the hallway. So effortless. Walking. Breathing. Living. It just came automatically. Most of the time. She pressed a hand to the wound in her side and thought, ruefully, not anymore. She was healing fine. Sure. The cuts were closing. The bruises were fading. But the memories were always there. And they always would be.  
They would be leaving in a few minutes. Plenty of time. So why not just sit here a few minutes more. What was the harm, after all, of just sitting quietly. Thinking of what could have been:  
"Buffy, hurry up." Spike sat on the sofa eagerly, holding a bowl of  
popcorn in his lap. "It's starting. Come on!"  
Buffy rushed into the living room. She sat down on the couch beside  
him, curling her legs up under her as he draped an arm around her. She  
lay her head down against his shoulder, sighing. They watched the  
movie in silence, munching popcorn and just holding on to each other.  
  
"Spike?"  
"'Tis okay, love, I'm right here." Spike grinned as he led his  
blindfolded Buffy down the hallway.  
"Where are we?" Buffy reached out with her free hand, pressing it  
against his chest playfully.  
"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise, now, would it?" She could  
hear the smirk in his voice. They walked a little further, and he  
opened a door. "Now keep your eyes closed."  
She did as she was told as the fabric was removed from her eyes. She  
let him help her into the room. It smelled like roses and vanilla.  
"Spike?"  
He let go of her hand, taking a few steps back. "Open your eyes."  
She opened her eyes, and was met by the sight of their bedroom. Except  
it was gorgeous. There were rose pedals all across the bed, coating  
the floor, and spread thickly across all the other furniture. And  
candles. He must have lit two hundred candles, at least. She walked up  
to him, pressing her lips lightly to his.  
"I love you."  
"I love you too."  
  
She opened her eyes. The sunlight came in through the window. She sat  
up, startled, and looked over to her side. The sunlight reflected off  
the sheets. Empty. She stood up, becoming frantic. "Spike?... Spike?"  
He walked out of their bathroom, with mussed, wet hair and a towel  
'round his waist. "Pet?"  
She let her breath out. He easily walked around the beams to stand in  
front of her. He leaned in, kissing her lightly on her nose. Running  
his finger along her arm. He smiled.  
  
Buffy sighed. All she was doing was beating herself up. These little  
fantasies wouldn't do her any good. "Spike," she whispered faintly. "I  
miss you."  
  
Spike drifted, alone again in his Heaven. Buffy all around him.  
Buffy coursing through him. And he had never felt so alone. I'd give  
anything, he thought, just to be back with her again. 


	6. Time

AN: Please R&R to tell me what you think about this chapter, I'm kind of nervous about it. Other than that, enjoy!  
  
Spike floated, unaware of time. How long he had been there, he didn't know. Maybe a year. Maybe an hour. He never slept. He never tired of having her wrapped around him. But he had never felt so helpless. It was like he had been blinded, or deprived of his hearing. Or both. Or maybe someone had just ripped his heart out.  
He sensed a disturbance around him. More than one.  
"William."  
"Mother."  
"William."  
"Huh?" Spike spun around.  
"William."  
"William."  
"Who are they??" He asked to his mother.  
"They're here to help you." She came closer. He could feel she wanted to help him. "Go with them, William."  
Spike went towards the three. They felt.different. Like if you went too close, you might combust. Strange, really. "'ello." They latched on to him, and took him along. And the world changed. He panicked when he could no longer hear her. The light was blinding. Faster and faster, they went. Brighter, brighter.  
Great. And when do the sodding harps start, he thought. Just then, he heard a soft melody winding around. Bloody.  
He noticed when they stopped moving. Tentatively, he tried to figure out where they were. No use.  
"Through here, William." One of his guides led him through what felt like a door. Inside it was cooler. Smaller.  
"William."  
Spike sighed and turned towards this new voice. It was softer than the others. More feminine. Yet infinitely more powerful. Hearing it calmed him more than he could say. "Yes?"  
"We hear you have a problem."  
"Who are you?"  
She seemed to glow at his question. "Simply one of those who is allowed to help others."  
"Ah."  
"William, why aren't you happy?"  
Spike would've liked to shake this girl, had she not seemed so utterly charming and kind. Wasn't it obvious, by now, why he wasn't happy? "I'm here. I want to be back on Earth."  
"Why, William?"  
"For her."  
"William." She came closer. "Tell us. Why do you need to go back."  
"Because." Spike sighed again. "Because every moment I'm without her makes me feel like I'm loosing my mind. Because I love her, more than I've ever loved anything. Ever. She is all that I am, and she's all that I want. She makes me feel like I'm actually someone in this world. When I'm with her, God, the world is bloody perfect. And she loves me." Spike paused, just now truly realizing these words. "She loves me. She loves me even though I'm a horrible being, and even though I've done some horrible things. Even though she knows who I really am. All of my fears. All of my embarrassments. She loves me. And I never even knew." He smirked. "I used to think I would die a thousand deaths before allowing one pretty hair on her head to be scratched. Now, I know that isn't true. Yes, I'd rather die than have her hurt. A million times over, if not more. But I couldn't live without her. And I sure as hell am not going to be dead without her either." Spike went even closer to the girl. "So we have us a little choice. I can't stay here. Either kill me for good, let my being become nothing, destroy my soul. Or send me back where I bloody belong."  
  
Buffy sat up that night, watching the clock. She was afraid to sleep. Every time she slept, she dreamt. If only they could be horrible dreams. If only they could be about all the carnage she'd seen, all the friends she had lost. But no. They had to be about him. Always about him. And it wasn't even as if they were bad dreams. It wasn't as if he was dying. No. They were wonderful. Always wonderful. Why did her dreams taunt her?  
It had been over a week. More than seven days ago, she'd lost him. She didn't even remember the time. It was like she didn't know the concept. Time. Silly really. Had it really been a few days ago that they'd come here? Had it really been that many hours since she'd eaten lunch with her friends at a local restaurant? Had it really been that long since he'd held her in his arms and told her he loved her?  
She was so weak. She could feel her eyelids sliding shut. She resisted the urge to yawn. I will not fall asleep. I will not fall asleep. I will not fall...  
She walked towards him, slowly. Always slowly. When they got closer,  
he lifted his hand to brush her cheek. She closed her eyes. She felt  
his kiss, like rose pedals, upon her forehead. She leaned in and heard  
his smile, as he whispered "Sleep, love. Just sleep." 


	7. Smile

AN: Are you liking the plot line so far? Please, R&R and tell me what you think (but be gentle, please!).  
  
Spike waited in the silence. She hadn't said anything since his improvised love rant. He didn't mind. Nice to have the quiet every now and again.  
"You loved her, then."  
"Yes."  
"And you love her now?" She sounded confused, as if the mere thought of it was astonishing in and of itself.  
"Yes." Spike thought about her. The way she walked, so fearlessly. The way she smiled, when she felt like crying. The way she wore her hair. The way she was. Yes, loved her. He always would. It was all he was capable of doing.  
"You love this woman. You love her so much that-please correct me if I'm wrong-that you would rather be with her than in Heaven?"  
"Yes."  
"You would rather have her reject you than exist in eternal bliss?"  
"Yes."  
"Why?"  
Spike smiled. "She wouldn't reject me. I know her too well."  
The girl sighed. "Fine. She wouldn't reject you. But William-you have done your part. Put in your time. It's time to rest now, William."  
His mind flashed back to a time not so long ago, when he had said such similar words. But they weren't true. Not now. "No."  
"She will come, William." Her voice softened, lowered in volume to the most peaceful intimacy. "You won't be without her forever. She will come."  
Spike shook at the thought. "Yes. And she will come sooner if I'm not there with her."  
"Isn't that what you want?"  
"No!" Spike said. "I want her to live. I want her to grow old and get all wrinkly and have lots and lots of babies and look like someone put a tire 'round her waist. I want all that lot. I want her to be happy."  
"Then why are you here, arguing with me?"  
"She needs me." Spike smiled softly. "I don't know how I know, but somewhere down there in this bloody soul, I know that she needs me."  
  
"She needs him." Willow sighed over her coke. She looked over to her friend, sitting on the windowsill, watching the clouds. "She'll never admit it, but she does."  
"Who's to say?" Xander cocked his head at her slightly. "It's not like he was such a good guy."  
"She loved him." Dawn chirped quietly. "You know that."  
"Yeah." Xander snorted a little. "I got that memo. But she loved Angel too."  
Willow shook her head. "No. Look at her. It looks like someone took something from her. Or it's just.gone."  
  
Buffy looked over her shoulder at her friends. She knew they were talking about her. She didn't care. Let them.  
She knew she shouldn't be separating herself from them. Done that before. And what had happened? Spike had saved her. Spike had brought her back. Like he always did.  
She sighed. Life could not always be put on pause. One of these days she was going to have to get up. Learn how to breathe again. Try and find a job. Get Dawn back into school. And attempt to rebuild their lives.  
What am I even going to do? She thought. Not like I can go up and say "Hi! I'm a Slayer. But they don't really need me for that right now. So I'd like to come and work for you!" Buffy smiled a little at that thought. Smiled. She looked up again at the sky. Somewhere up there. Maybe. Maybe he could see her. Do you mind if I smile?  
  
Spike smiled bitterly as he went back to what he had affectionately named 'Buffyland'. The girl had said they would talk again. He bloody hoped so. He couldn't stand this. Still, it was nice to be back. Her fingers tickled against his cheek. Her hair brushed his hand. Her words left him all weak in the knees and pansy-ish. He imagined what he could have said to her in those final moments.  
"I love you."  
"I know, pet."  
"You do?"  
"I've always loved you. You think I wouldn't notice?"  
The only problem was, that he hadn't. She loved him, and he didn't know. How long did you love me, Buffy? Did you love me when I held you in that abandoned house? Did you love me when I went to Africa? Did you love me when we- He stopped before the memories became too painful. He let his mind wander off, just so he wouldn't have to recall all of these empty moments. Better to make up a happy one.  
She stood there, watching him. He waved a little, awkwardly. She  
walked closer, stepping into the shadow her tree cast.  
"What are you doing here?"  
"Nothing." He looked down at the ground. Twenty some  
cigarette butts gazed back at him.  
Buffy smiled a little. She stepped closer. He looked up in  
time to catch the twinkle in her eyes. To notice something that hadn't  
been there before.  
"Pet?"  
"Hmmm?" She peered up at him, blinking innocently.  
"I do believe that you're falling for me." He snarked,  
leaning in and letting his nose brush hers.  
"Am not!"  
"Stop me then." He kissed her. And the last thing he  
expected was for her to kiss him back.  
Slowly, she pulled away. Always slowly. "Fine." She smiled  
teasingly, reaching up and running her hand through his hair. "Don't  
have to be so damn cocky about it."  
He smirked at her. Then he leaned down, softly brushing  
their lips once more. She hummed against him. "I love you."  
"I love you too." 


	8. Her Face

AN: Thanks for all the reviews. From now on (due to some confusion) all scene changes will be signified by little ~~~~~~~~~~~~~'s, flashbacks by [ ]'s, and dreams/fantasies by ***********'s (flashbacks/dreams/fantasies also notified by indents). Hopefully that will help. Please, keep reading! I am going somewhere with this, I swear..  
  
Her Face  
  
It rained that day. How appropriate. Buffy stood in the doorway to their building, clutching her umbrella. Why did the weather always suit her mood?  
Xander was leaving today. He had gotten a job with a construction crew working on the outskirts of Las Vegas. True, he would only be an hour or two's drive from them. But it still hurt. They were all leaving.  
The Slayers were thinning. They had sent two to a hellmouth in Africa. One to England. One to a newly discovered hotspot in New Zealand. And yesterday, three had departed to clean up Cleveland. Their numbers were dwindling.  
Kennedy would be leaving to eliminate a vampire coven in Washington soon. Willow would go with her. She had pointed out they wouldn't be long. A month or two, at most. And they would call her if they needed her.  
Everyone was going. Everyone was going about his or her life, trying to continue with the good fight. Right the wrongs. Kill the bad guys. Find the evil and drive it out.  
She had tried to stay busy. Why, one day she had managed to wake up, shower and go to buy groceries. She searched in the classifieds for a part time job. She looked into the local high schools for Dawn. She tried to accept the cards fate had dealt her.  
Note on tried.  
She didn't want to live in this apartment anymore. Time to get out. Get some money. Buy a house. Normal things. Happy things.  
Happy?  
[He had come to kill her. But once he saw her he knew he couldn't. She  
looked up, and saw him there. Standing there. He put down his gun, and  
sat down next to her. He lightly patted her on the back. And she never  
let on. He never knew how much it meant.]  
  
He started, recoiling out of his dream at the sound of her coming. The girl. She had come. He could sense her.  
"William."  
He waited. There was nothing left to say. He could only listen.  
"We have done much thinking over your request." This peaked his interest. Not that he would let her know that, of course. But he listened more carefully. This was worth hearing. "And we have come to a decision." "You have?" Spike came forward. He prepared himself. He hoped. "What? What is it?" "We have decided to grant you your request." After a moment of pure elation, Spike frowned a little. What did that mean? He had requested more than one thing. Huh? "And that would be." "We have granted your request." She turned, and left. Just like that. He was alone again, and confused. Thoroughly. He remembered what he had asked. He remembered perfectly. Every word that had come out of his sodding mouth.  
["I can't stay here. Either kill me for good, let my being become  
nothing, destroy my soul. Or send me back where I bloody belong." ] Oh bloody. He whirled around. Her voice, all around him.  
["I love you."  
"Could you just hold me?"  
"I love you."  
"It was meant for a champion."  
"I love you."] The light was getting brighter. Her scent was all over him. Like vanilla and roses and jasmine all in one. All in her. Her fingers. Her hands. Her legs, wrapped around him. Her eyes, taking in every bit of him. Her lips, softly against the skin of his cheek. Slowly. Always slowly. Her face was the last thing he saw.  
  
She hugged him close. She could feel that awful patch rub against her skin. My fault. She pulled him closer. "Easy there, Buff." Xander patted her on the back as they separated. He looked around, sighing. After one last hug from Willow, and nearly getting knocked over by Dawn, he turned for the car. His car. Nice of the group to help him buy it. "Well." Buffy watched him. He waved goodbye. He said he'd call them once he got there. Then he got in the car, and left. Just like that. She walked back inside. Up the flight of stairs. Three doors down, and to the left. Don't forget your key. Light switch on your right side. Don't trip on the shoes. It smells like cigarettes in here.. Cigarettes? Slowly, she entered the apartment. It was coming from her bedroom. Buffy walked quickly to the bedroom. The door was ajar. She looked around it. There was someone sitting on the bed. Someone wearing a leather jacket. Leather jacket. Cigarettes. A chill ran down her spine. She walked in. Faith turned around, and gave her a little smile. Cigarette in hand. Leather jacket. Buffy let her breath out. Silly of her. Faith walked over, patted her on the shoulder. "Sorry, B. Couldn't be out there, ya know?" She nodded. The smoke curled up around the girl's fingers, wafted up into her hair. Disappeared. She wondered where it went. Faith walked out. The smell lingered. She'd forgotten what it had been like. She'd forgotten how she'd liked it. She sat down on her bed, facing the wall. Faith had left her pack on the nightstand. Buffy picked it up. She fingered the lid. Pulled one out. There was a lighter in the drawer. She put the cigarette to her lips, lighting the end. Inhale. Exhale. The smoke drifted towards the ceiling. Inhale. Exhale. She wondered if people smoked in Heaven. 


	9. The Quiet

            AN: I apologize for the horrible formatting of the previous chapter (and lack of ~'s). Hopefully this will work better. Don't worry, loyal b/s fans, I haven't betrayed you *wink*. Keep R&R-ing, and enjoy!

            The Quiet

            "Big Patsy's Diner, how can we help you."

            "Hi. Um. I was wondering-er…I saw your add….in the newspaper…about the job…"

            "Yeah."

            "I was wondering if that was still available."

            "Yeah."

            "Ah." Buffy made a note on the paper with her pen. "Great. Do you think I could get and interview or…"

            She heard a snort over the line. "Interview. Sure. How about tomorrow, round noon?"

            "Ummm. Yeah. Sure…" Buffy juggled her various books and pens, looking for the notepad that she was writing down all her interviews on. Ah, there it was. "Yup. That works."

            "Good. See you then."__

            _Click._

            Buffy sighed and hung up the phone. This didn't exactly seem like a high-income job. Still, it was better than the spot at 'Dave's Hot House' she'd been offered. Complete with g-string. 

            The apartment was quiet without Dawn. Too bad it wasn't one of those peaceful, nice quiets. Eerie quiet, maybe. Going on down right unnerving quiet. She walked over and turned on the TV. Started walking back across the room. And recognized the theme song. Passions. Great. She walked back over and turned it off. 

            The radio. Yeah. That would help. She turned on the radio. She winced as the familiar Billy Idol song blasted out of the speakers. Maybe not the best idea. She turned off the radio. 

            It was a nice day out. She's go for a walk. Yeah. Good idea. She went out the door, down the hallway. Suddenly, a door opened in her face. She stopped abruptly, but not without a minor nose/door collision.

            "Oh!" A hand reached out, catching her by the shoulder. "I'm sorry! Are you okay?"

            She looked up at this man. Blond man. Very blond. Roots showing. Oh, geez. "Yeah…" She turned and went back to her apartment. Locked the door. 

            She stood with her back to the door, struggling to catch her breath. _A shower_, she thought. _A nice, cold shower to clear me head._ Of course.

            Into the bathroom. Off with the clothes. Nice, cool water against her skin. Yeah. Much better. She closed her eyes. 

[_He looked up at her, watching as she tried to cover herself with his jacket. He smirked._]

She whipped her eyes open. The showerhead stared back at her. Stupid Buffy. Stupid stupid stupid. She turned off the water. Shivered. It was cold here. So cold. 

****_ "Cold, love?" Spike smirked, stepping closer. Letting his hand trail over her terry cotton robe. Running it up to her neck. Her face. Pressing his lips softly to her cheek as his arm wrapped around her waist. Pulled her close. Kisses against her eyelids. Her neck. Let his hand drift down her back. Slowly. Always slowly. He purred in her ear, "Better, love?" ****_

She shivered. Wrapped her robe tighter. She wasn't cold anymore. 

She was getting a job, dammit. She was getting a home. She was moving on. Or at least trying to. _Why are you haunting me?_ Even thinking about him hurt. And everything made her think of him. She came into the room, only to see the faintest apparition of him. She closed her eyes, felt those arms that she knew couldn't be around her. Enjoyed the quiet just because she could hear his words in it. 

No. She couldn't do this. Couldn't wilt at every British phrase. Couldn't loose her mind over a bit of leather. Couldn't pick up smoking just because she liked the smell. Had to get over him.

_But I don't want to._ She stopped in the middle of the floor. Thought about it. Yeah. Why should she be all weepy whenever she thought of him? _Just because he's gone doesn't mean I can't care._

She looked at the clock. Dawn would be getting home from school soon. Giles would be coming over. But for now, it was quiet. But not too quiet. _Close your eyes. _She imagined he was there, standing with her. Dancing with her. She rested her head againt his chest. Felt his hand caress the back of her neck. Just dancing. 

The clock struck three. Buffy kept dancing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            The Sun had set. But it wasn't night. The sky was the most wonderful shade of crimson. The stars, not yet above us. The air, not yet cooled by the Moon's light breath. 

It was quiet. Too quiet. The crickets weren't brave enough to come out just now. No stray cats fighting in the alley. No wolves howling at the moon. No-

_WHUMP._

"…..ow." 


	10. The Rain

AN: Yay! Format's finally working! I'll probably go back and fix those other chapters, eventually…..Anyhoo, enjoy this next one ( I know, it's a little slow…), be sure to R&R, and, um….yeah.

Disclaimer: I saw a lot of other people doing this…didn't want to get sued…so….All characters here (with the exception of a few; i.e. spirits) belong to UPN and Mutant Enemy and, of course, Joss. Also, I _may_ (through no fault of my own) subconsciously use themes similar to other authors of b/s stories (due to lack of material/common thought processing). 

            The Rain

            _BRRRING_

_**"Don't worry love, I'll get that." Spike reached over her to pick up the phone.**_

_            BRRRING_

_            **"I thought you were going to get that…" Buffy pressed her forehead against his shoulder, sighing. He smiled a little, answering the call.**_

_BRRING_

Buffy rolled over, confused. _Wha…?_ Eventually, she realized the phone had not only been in her dream. She lifted the receiver off the hook.

"..Hello?"

"Buffy! Hi!" 

"…Willow?"

"I'm sorry, hun. Did I wake you up?"

"No…" Bufy rubbed her eyes. 8:27. Hmm. "What's up?"

Buffy listed patiently as Willow described the previous night's events. What with the vampire slaying and all. The girl seemed to bubble over with sheer enthusiasm. Quite exhausting, really. 

"And this one, he was all 'grr!' and we were all 'waaaah!' and then they were all 'poof!'."

"Hmmm." Buffy yawned slightly. Not that this wasn't interesting. "Yeah.  They do tend to 'poof'." 

"..What's the matter, Buffy?"

"Oh, nothing." Buffy started to give her her Reassuring Smile, only to remember Willow couldn't see it. "I'm fine. All normal life-y and that."

"Do you miss it sometimes?"

"I suppose…." Buffy thought about it. Did miss the late night walks. Did miss the company. Did miss Sp-…..Well, didn't miss the whole she'd only live to 25 dealy. "To an extent."

"Yeah…"

They talked for probably another hour. Afterward, Buffy stumbled to the little kitchenette. On the counter was a note from Dawn.

            _Buffy-_

_You were sleeping when I left for school, so just wrote you to remind you that I'll be staying late, and getting a ride home with Aaron. _

_                                    Dawn_

Okay then. She didn't have work today. No Dawn. 

She walked absent mindedly over to the incense holder, digging around in the jar of sticks until she found a cigarette. She lit it and set it in the holder, wondering what she should do with her day.  

"Maybe I'll go visit Giles at the shop." She told the cabinets as she went about preparing her breakfast. 

_            Don't you remember? He went out of town._ Hmm. Her subconscious seemed to be right in that area. He'd gone to Cleveland after the request of the Council. …Or had it been Cincinnati? Chicago? Well, wherever he was it started with a C. Or possibly a K. 

            "Kansas?" She contemplated, pausing in bringing her spoonful of cereal to her mouth. No matter. He'd be back eventually. 

            _BRRING_

            She stopped chewing, glaring at the phone_. Evil Phone._

            _BRRING_

            "Wuh yu gheh hah…" She swallowed, looking around her empty apartment before remembering she was the only one in it. Drat. 

            _BRRRING_

            She stomped angrily over to the phone. "What?"

            No answer.

            "Hello??"

            "….Hi Buffy."

            "Andrew?!?"

            "Uhhh…yeah…."

            "What?" She frowned.

            "Ummm…I was sort of elected…to…umm…call you…."

            "By who, exactly?" Buffy had thought she'd gotten rid of him for good, what with sending him to England with a six-pack of Slayers. 

            "Umm….the girls…"

            "Why?"

            "Well, I was trying to talk to Willow- 'cuz you know, she's all telepathic and stuff-and I sort of…"

            "Andrew. What did you do?"

            "I…I sort of summoned a Jaw Wheigh demon…"

            Oh lord. "Hold on. I'll be there. Just..." She ran a hand through her hair. "Keep it from killing anyone till I get there, alright?"

            "Umm, what if it already…"

            "I'm coming." She hung up quickly. Grabbed a bag. Threw in a couple changes of clothing, crossbow, stakes, crosses. Manila envelope from under her pillow. She scrawled out a message on a piece of paper, leaving it on the counter as she rushed out the door to the airport.

                        _Dawn-_

_            Trouble in England. Call my cell phone when you get home, I'll explain. Stay home until I get back._

_                                                Buffy._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            It grew darker. The sky was now a deep shade of purple, dark clouds covering the moon. Thunder rolled in, slowly. Always slowly. It looked as if it there was a possibility of rain.

            _Drip._

            Correction. It looked like it was going to rain.

            _Drip drip drip._

            Oh bother. It was raining. 

            _Drip drip…drip drip drip drip drip…_

            The rain pelted him. Covering his face with his hands, he peered up at the sky. 

            _Smack._

            "Bloody…." He flailed his arms about wildly as the hail hit him in the face. Soon, it was coming down in sheets. He ran for the trees.

            _Great. Just sodding brilliant. _ He was lost, hungry, soaking wet and bloody _freezing_ (and stark nude, he might add), in the middle of a thunderstorm.  


	11. Dancing

AN: Sorry for the lack of inspiration on that last one…trying to lead _gradually_ into what is becoming a very interesting story. Stay tuned-hopefully you'll like. R&R, please!

Disclaimer: All characters belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and Joss (with the exception of The Girl, the spirits and the amazing Jaw Wheigh demon). 

Lost

            He shivered. So. Bloody. Cold. Even amongst the trees. _Still_, he thought, _better than being beaten alive- er…-being beaten by those sodding ice balls. _

            Every movement hurt. But generally, that came along with falling from the sky like a damn asteroid. Not to mention the fact that he resembled an extra from a war documentary. Except for the no clothes part.

            _Where are my bloody clothes?_

            If they looked anything like him, he didn't expect to find them in one piece. His chest was permanently scarred with impressions of the rocks he oh-so gracefully landed on. His hands and feet were coated in a thick layer of mud. He still bore the battle cuts upon his arms and legs. The outstretching tree limbs scratched his face. For some reason, he had a severely burned right hand. And, darn it all, his hair was all mussed up. 

            Yes, he was back. William the Bloody was loosed onto the world once more to rein terror and havoc. But right now, he had the oddest craving for cookies. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Buffy gasped as she nearly hit the oncoming car. _Why were they….?_ It took her a moment to remember the fact she was driving in England. After sheepishly returning to her lane, she flipped on the radio.

            _"Oh it's a... nice day for a… white wedding……. It's a… nice day to… start again……"_

            "Why…?" She muttered quietly to herself. No more radio for her. 

            Half an hour later, she reached her destination. The girls and Andrew were all standing by the curb, waiting for her. 

            "Hi Buffy!"

            She smiled. _I'd forgotten how much I love this._ She reached into her pocket, pulling out a stake. "Ok." She looked around. "Where's the bad guy?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He faltered, tripping over a log. Tried to stand up. Smacked his head into a low branch. Whirled around to face his opponent. Realized it was a tree one moment too late, crashing into it face first. Stumbled back. Tripped over the log again. And ended up sprawled out on his back, utterly defeated by nature. 

            After swearing at the tree, the leaves, the ground, the sky, that annoying bird, and The All-Responsible Log, respectfully, Spike picked himself up again and continued with his mindless wandering. Better than staying in one spot. Or was it better to stay in one spot? _No, that's what you do if you're lost in the store. Not lost in the sodding world_. He kept walking. 

            He swore he was walking in a circle. _That rock looks familiar._ Well, of course it looked familiar. It was a rock. 

            _Where the hell am I?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Spin kick. Left hook. Jump over the really icky looking demon. Buffy grinned as she knocked the Jaw-Wheigh off its claws. Yeah. She'd missed this. She enjoyed kicking the occasional monster butt. Even after being out of practice for over a month (nearly two, now), Buffy was still in top form. 

            "You know, you should really think about dental care…" She quipped as she punched it in the mouth. It growled, diving towards her. She spun away easily."

                        [_"You think we're dancing?"_

_                        "That's all we ever did."_]

            Buffy paused as the creature threw her back against the cavern wall. _Dancing_. She jumped up, really to go again. But instead of the Jaw-Wheigh demon before her, it was Spike.

***_ "What, love, afraid you can't take me?" He mocked her, throwing a slow punch her way. She grabbed his arm, throwing him over her shoulder. Down on his knees, he reached up, grabbing a leg from under her. She flipped, spinning to face him. Grabbed him by the collar. He lifted her around the waist, throwing her across the room. She ran back, kicking him in the chest. One blow. Two. He grabbed her by the ankle and pulled her closer. Bent her backwards. She dropped to the ground again on her back. He dove for her, but she rolled away. Jumping on his back, she grabbed his arms and held him by the wrists. He bucked, freeing himself and tangling his legs in hers. They paused. He twisted, pulling her with him until she was up against the wall. Took her shoulders in his hands. Brought her close.  She wasn't trying to get away anymore. He loosened his grip, sinking into her unblinking gaze. She smiled. Then they were back upon their feet again. Dancing. ***_

WHAMM 

Buffy spun backwards from the unexpected blow, loosing her balance. The Jaw Wheigh stood above her, bearing its teeth and snarling. She sighed and grabbed it by the arm, pulling it down with her. _Sorry buddy, my dance card's full._ She broke its neck. 

She brushed herself off, looking around. No more evil. All gone. _I'll have to do more slaying once I get home_, she thought. She loved the fight. There was no doubt. But it reminded her how much she missed dancing. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            The sun would be rising soon. He needed to find shelter. He needed to find food. He needed to find out where he was. _And,_ he reminded himself, _I need to find some clothes. _ 

            Just then, he entered a clearing. He paused. There didn't seem to be anyone here. Anymore. It looked like an abandoned campsite. Spike's eyes lit up as he saw a half eaten bag of marshmallows and a ragged blanket. After fashioning himself a mighty spiffy skirt, he sat down to his breakfast. 

            As he stuffed another marshmallow into his mouth, he noticed a piece of paper underneath a log. _Hmmm._ He leaned over, picking it up. Upon righting it, he discovered it was a map. 

            Spike choked, gasping for air. "I'm _where???_"


	12. Talking To Myself

AN: Having fun yet? Please, feel free to send me ideas, suggestions, or any other kind of positive feedback. And now, back to the story….

Disclaimer: All characters belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.

Talking To Myself 

            In all his years, he'd seen many things. Fought many beings. Been both the villain and the hero. And yet, he had never been as scared as he was now, of the idea of being lost in Canada. 

            The map did him little good. It showed the basic territories, marked good fishing spots, and reminded the reader where the roads ended. And that was about it. No helpful X as to where he was. Not even a dot. 

            He explored the rest of the campsite, adding a pair of broken binoculars and a spoon to his collection of useless things. Satisfied, he continued on.

            _I must look bloody ridiculous_, he thought to himself. He could feel the sun, sneaking up behind him. He looked up at the trees. Hypothetically, he could keep walking in their shadows. 

            Wearily, he trudged on. The sun rose. It grew warm. The hours ebbed together in infinite boredom. At one point he looked up, startled to realize he had tripped and was sitting on the forest floor. _Have to stay focused. Have to get back._

            _Back to what?_ A voice in the back of his head taunted. _You think she needs you?_

            _She does,_ he argued. _She loved me._

            _She lied…_It sang. _She doesn't love you….she could never love you…._

            "SHUT UP!" Spike clutched his head between his hands, rocking back and forth slightly. 

            _She doesn't need you….She doesn't need you…._

            "YES. SHE. DOES." He stood up. Walked faster. He had to get back. 

            _She doesn't love you….._

            He had to know. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Later that day, Buffy wandered the roads of England. Tomorrow, she would go back home. But for now, she was free to see the sights.  

            Within an hour, she had confused herself beyond all reason in the multiple back streets of London. They all twisted and curved, and this map was wrong…. She turned into an alley. The shadows reminded her of something. She slowed her pace to look around. A tavern there. A parked taxi. She closed her eyes, letting her imagination guide her. _If I walk up here, _she mused, _I will come out on a long, winding street. _She felt herself walk back into the light. _The drive will be up a way, on the right. _ 

            She opened her eyes. The alley turned, opening to a long, winding street. She was struck with the most ironic sense of déjà vu. She knew this. Up ahead, on her right, she could see gates to an old home. She approached them cautiously. Placed a hand upon the brick. Why did she know this?

            Something about the bricks under her hand felt strange. She lifted it, looking. Something was carved into them. Letters. They were so worn she could barely make it out. She tried to trace the inscription with a finger. 

            "W…C…" She let her hand rest against the initials, pausing. And then she knew what they meant. She recoiled, looking upon the house in horror. She turned abruptly, crashing into an innocent passerby. Stumbling, she ran back to the alley. The alley. Oh, God. She kept running. She ran until she was completely exhausted, gasping for breath. She leaned up against a building, trying to regain her sanity. _What's the matter with me?_

***It took him hours, but in the end he thought his craftsmanship was quite good. True, his pocketknife was scratched. Oh well. Ten-year-old William traced his initials with a finger once more before running back into the house.***

Buffy shook her head. But he wouldn't let it clear. She turned, looking back down the street from which she came. _What do you want from me?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This wasn't working. He was walking in circles again. He knew this for a fact; he had whipped his blood on that tree three times now. He redirected his path in a different direction, determined. He was going to get out of this damn forest if it was the last thing he did. 

He had never been one for being around people. Preferred his space. But now, he couldn't concentrate. He needed someone to keep him grounded. 

His eyes scanned the area, looking for anything to indicate he was going the right direction. "Right, Spike, you're going to find a random sign telling you exactly where you bloody are."

"Yup." He nodded his head. 

"You are such a wanker." He frowned to himself. "No I'm not."

"Then why are you talking to yourself?" He blinked. "Good point." He rounded a bend, coming across a stream. Quite pleased with himself, he dropped down to his knees to drink. The water felt cold and refreshing as it slid down his throat. After quenching his thirst, he set about cleaning himself up. Always careful of the sunlight that hit the other side of the stream.

The sun would set again soon. Then maybe he could try to get out of these woods. He stayed at the stream, absentmindedly letting the water wash over his foot as he waited. Just then, a bird flew out of the trees. Spike, being lost in thought, didn't notice until it nearly flew into him. He started, falling off his perch and into the water. 

SPLASH 

Slowly, he pulled himself up. And noticed he was lying in the sunlight. While swearing various profanities, he started to scramble back to his shadows. A moment later, he noted the fact he wasn't bursting into flame. 

Spike looked up at the sun for the first time in over two hundred years. "Well, this is interesting." 


	13. Sunshine

AN: Whoops! As I read the last chapter, it occurred to me we were not living in the 2080's….so please, mentally change that 'two' to a 'one', as I am too lazy to do so. Do you like where I'm going with this? Please, tell me what you think…I tend to write faster when I get more comments *hint hint*. 

Disclaimer: All characters belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss. 

Sunshine

            Buffy looked out the window at the Atlantic Ocean. She sipped her iced tea, contemplating. They had been in the air for two hours already. When she got home, Dawn and Giles would pick her up from the airport. She was going to look into getting back into the slaying business. _Just because I got thrown off the horse, _she noted, _doesn't mean I shouldn't climb back on._

            But wait a minute. She'd gotten thrown off the horse? How? _After all, we won. _But winning came at a price. A high, painful price. A price she really hadn't wanted to pay. Was that falling off the horse? Was loosing someone you love-

            Okay. She was going to resolve this once and for all. It was bugging her too much. Wherever she went, it waited in the back of her mind. Didn't matter what she was doing-it was consistently in her thoughts. Yes. She had loved Spike.     

            _Had?_

            Okay. This might be more of a problem then she thought. Yes. She loved Spike. And it hurt like hell that he wasn't here. But that wasn't going to make anything better. It wouldn't bring him back. Needing him wouldn't bring him back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Spike squinted as the sun's rays shone down on him. "Okay," He said to no one. "What in bloody hell is going on?"

            He decided to figure out exactly what had happened. He picked up a large stick, breaking it easily. Ok. The super strength was still in effect. Now, let's see. _You're a stupid whelp, Spike, and no one will ever want you. _He snarled angrily at the thought his mind had conjured up. Then he reached up, feeling his face. Hmm. Lumpy. Most interesting. A squirrel sat upon a log. He jumped over, catching it easily in his hands. It bit him. He shook his head at it. _Sorry pal. You bite me, I bite you. _Carefully, he sipped a little of the squirrels blood before setting it back down.  He watched it slink away, mystified. _I'm a sodding vampire who is immune to the sun?_

            "William."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Buffy relinquished herself to the hugs of her sister and Watcher. It was nice to be back. Together, they went and got her suitcases. They walked back to Giles's car, discussing the demon. And trying to think up the oddest punishment they could for Andrew. 

            After they got back to Buffy's apartment, she sent Dawn off to do her homework. She had to talk with Giles.

            "Giles?"

            "Hmm?" He looked up from his cup of tea.

            "I was thinking…Even with all the other Slayers now…maybe…there might be the occasional job I could do…"

            He smiled at her. "Restless, are we?"

            She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I miss it. I mean, it's who I am."

            He nodded, whipping his glasses off on his shirt. "I completely understand. And we will try to find you some local work. There are demons everywhere, you know. And you know there will be other instances such as this one. The girls will often call upon you for help."

            "So what, I'm clean up girl?" She wrinkled her nose. "When no one else can kill it, send in the Buffy?"

            "Well…" Giles let his eyes slide back to the tabletop. "It's not as if you aren't good at that sort of thing." 

            "I want my own place." Buffy looked around the apartment, sighing. "I want my own…turf."

            He stood, walking over and looking down at her. "Don't worry. We'll find you something. But until then, you know you're the only one who can really back these girls up. It basically like sending in a bunch of student teachers. They don't know what they're doing."

            She smiled at the image. Her brave little girls, cowering in a class of six year olds. Yeah. She'd take care of them. It's what she was here to do. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He whirled around. Before him, he saw the slight shadow of a girl. If you could call it a shadow; she glowed with the brightest light he had ever seen. Her hair fell down in soft waves around her small shoulders.  He knew her-the girl from Heaven.

            "Yes…?"

            "I have come here, in hopes of explaining."

            Spike frowned at the girl. "What?"

            "William." She sighed. "You aren't here for good. That's not why we sent you back."

            He stared at her. No. That wasn't true. It couldn't be… "Then why the_ hell_ am I here???"

            "Her." She smiled. "Your Buffy. She is different than the other Slayers. She's the one. The one who can restore balance to the dimensions. It is her destiny." She stepped closer. "So you must prove yourself to be true. Prove that she cannot survive to fufill her life's work without you. Prove that she needs you."

            "And if I do?" Spike raised an eyebrow.

            "If you do, you will be allowed to stay."

Spike smiled. This was going to be easy. He knew that little blonde better than she knew herself. "Ok. What's the catch?"

"You cannot persuade her." The girl watched his uncomprehending face. "You cannot inform her of this. You cannot force her to reveal her need of you. Only she can do that."

Oh crap. Yes, Spike knew his Slayer. Knew her inside and out. And he knew she would never reveal such a weakness. It was physically impossible for her. He sighed, looking down at his feet. "How long do I have?"

"We will come again to make our judgment."

"Yes, but when?"

She smiled sadly, and disappeared. 

"Wait!" He cried out, searching for her. He'd forgotten to ask her the one question that was really, really bugging him. "Why can I go in the sun?"


	14. She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

AN: First off, I want to send a big THANK YOU to everyone who's been reading _and_ reviewing my story. I really appreciate it. And to all of you who come and read and then wander off again….please, tell me what you think! I know last chapter there was a lot of plot revealing, so expect the next few to run a bit more calmly. I also apologize for horribly bad knowledge of Canada…Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters (with exceptions to the ones I create…you'll know who they are) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss. 

She Loves Me, She Loves Me Not

            Buffy and Dawn carefully examined the linen closet. After all, those sorts of things were very important. Satisfied, they turned back to the real estate agent. 

            "Now, it's just you two girls, correct?" She looked back and forth between the two sisters.

            "Yes." Buffy nodded. "But we have lots of company."

            "Ah." The agent smiled happily. "Perfect. This house has one bathroom, a spacious living room, two large closets, an immense kitchen, and three bedrooms. Two of those are upstairs, but this one…" She led the way into a medium sized bedroom. 

            Buffy looked around thoughtfully. This place was certainly a fixer-upper. The paint on the walls was peeling, and the tiles in the kitchen were stained. Besides those few setbacks, it was a fairly nice place. Plus, it was in their price range, making it perfect. She turned her gaze towards Dawn, searching for the girl's approval before she said anything. Dawn grinned and nodded. 

            "We'll take it."

            "Wonderful!" The woman broke into a wide smile, reaching forward to shake Buffy and Dawn's hands. "Now, if you would like to come with me to the kitchen to sign a few papers…."

            Buffy followed her, took a deep breath, signed the papers, and consequently started their lives over once more. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Spike muttered unhappily to himself for several minutes before sitting down to think about what the girl had said. He had to prove that Buffy needed him. That she couldn't survive without him.

            _Of course she can survive without me. She's a strong bird. Doesn't need anyone watching her back. Besides,_ he frowned a little; _I didn't even know she liked me until after I was dead._

            He closed his eyes. He tried to imagine what would happen when they met again. 

_*** He saw her, standing in line for coffee. She was just there, before him, suddenly back in his life. "Buffy?"_

_She turned around, a confused look on her face. Then she saw him. Her eyes popped open, her jaw dropped, and she dropped her cup of coffee. _

_                        He rushed over, grabbing some napkins and bending down to help her. He looked into her eyes. "Hi."_

_"Spike…" She cocked her head, looking totally amazed. She broke into a grin. _

_"Who are you?" A tall, muscular man with dark hair stood over them, watching Spike._

_ Buffy finished whipping up her drink and stood, grabbing the man's hand. "Honey, this is Spike."_

_"Spike?"_

_"Yeah…we used to work together." She smiled a little at Spike as the man put his arm around her. "Good to see you, Spike." They walked out.***_

He whipped his eyes open in horror. No. That wouldn't happen. She wasn't like that. _Or is she…_ No. She loved him. _How do I know that?_ He sighed, and stood up again. The sooner he found her, the sooner he'd know. 

_What if I don't want to know?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            _knock knock knock._

            Buffy jumped over the various boxes in her path to open the door to the apartment. She squealed as Xander and Willow suffocated her in a series of bear hugs. 

            "Oh wow, this is going to be so fun!" Willow grinned excitedly, looking around at all the stuff. 

            "Yeah. Fun. It's always fun moving Buffy." Xander rolled his eyes, accepting the gentle pummeling from Buffy.

            "Come on. You know you love it." She turned back to Willow. "Where's Kennedy?"

            "Waiting with Giles down at the truck." She picked up the box closest to her, readjusting herself underneath its weight. "Let's go!" 

            "Wait for me!" Dawn scurried out of her room, carrying two bags as she tried to catch up with the group. 

            They spent the rest of the afternoon loading the truck, and then unloading it at the new Summers' residence. The house was small, but definitely cozy. It smelled of fresh paint, most probably explained by the fact they had spent all of the previous day repainting all of the walls. The hardwood floors were covered in scuffs, something that probably wouldn't change, considering the inhabitants. 

            Everyone was pitching in, until Buffy could repay them. Her job at the Diner just didn't pay the big bucks. However, she was looking into working at a local gym as a trainer. They had already bought the large, comfy beds that were a trademark of a Scooby residence, and the pull out sofa. After doing some counting, Buffy figured they could comfortably house eight people, if necessary. 

            Still, something was missing. She kept telling herself she didn't know. She didn't notice the lack of that certain something. Or someone. _God, can't I just get over it already?_ She sighed to herself. _Fine. I know exactly what's missing. It's the cloud of cigarette smoke. It's the shadow in the corner. It's that god-awful sound of Doc Martins clomping down the hallway._ After this little confession, she felt better. She went back to unpacking. But now that she had that in her head, it was hard to let go. She tried to imagine him in this situation.

_*** "Oh for the sake of…" Spike stood up from his unpacking box, swatting at the packing peanuts that were sticking to his hands and clothing. Buffy looked over, giggling. He growled at her, smirking as he stalked across the floor.***_

The rest of the Scoobies watched with bewilderment as Buffy unpacked the kitchenware, snickering to herself. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He had been walking all day today. And the day before that. And the day before that. He was absolutely starving, and not just for the blood. He would have been happy with a Twinkie at this point. He stumbled around another bend, peering up over the horizon. There was something there. It was a….sign?!?

            Spike sprinted up the incline to where the sign stood. Upon getting close enough to read it, he slowed his pace. 

            BIENVENUE A POVUNGNITUK

            "Pov-ooh-n what?" Spike squinted at the signed. He pulled out his map. "Oh…blast." He seemed to be, literally, in the middle of nowhere. There wasn't even a bloody railway within a hundred miles. "Great. Brilliant." He looked up at the sky, still squinting slightly. "You tell me to find Buffy, and you drop me in the middle of a bloody forest!" His voice echoed off the nearby canyon walls. 

            It was hopeless. He collapsed on a rock, crossing his arms stubbornly. If they wanted him to go to her, they'd have to move him themselves. He wasn't taking another step. 

            There were some flowers a few feet from him. Daisies. He reached out, grabbing one by the stem. He looked at the pedals, remembering what so many children had done with such flowers. He plucked off the first pedal.

            "She loves me."

            A second.

            "She loves me not."

            A small pile of pedals formed in Spike's lap. "She loves me….she loves me not…she loves me…..she loves me not….she loves me….she loves me not…."

            He fingered the last pedal conscientiously. "She loves me." 

            He slid the pedal behind his ear, and started his hike to Hudson Bay. 


	15. ChooChoo Train

AN: Do you want to be happy? Do you want to have fun? (If you get it, you'll be smiling by now. If not, you'll be hopelessly confused.) I should really stop listening to this CD. Anyway, after doing a bit of not-so-scientific research, I figured out that spuffy writers that beg their readers for replies generally get more reviews than spuffy writers that don't. So….

            **Please review! I'll write you sappy fantasy scenes filled with hugs and cuddles!**

            Ok. I might not do that. But I will write a hell of a lot faster. And for those loyal spuffy readers, don't worry; I _am_ planning for certain things to occur eventually. These things take time, you know.  This AN has gone on for far too long-sorry. For being such patient readers, I'll give you what you want….

Disclaimer: All characters (except the ones I make up) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss. 

Choo-Choo Train

            Spike lifted his head. He could smell the seawater as if it were blood. He was getting close. What exactly he was going to do once he reached the bay….well, he hadn't quite figured that one out yet.  It wasn't important. It was the principle of the thing, really. 

            The trees were thinning. He could taste the salt in the air. Around this boulder, under that tree branch….and suddenly there he stood, on the edge of the forest. The land dropped away abruptly, to expose a pebble beach fifty feet below. He scanned the water. Nothing that he could see. Just miles of calm water. He stepped out onto the cliff, peering down. Hypothetically, if he jumped he wouldn't break anything. Even so, he looked around for a less dramatic way to get down. 

            He walked along the lip of the cliff for about a mile, until he found a not-so-steep section of rock bedding. Cautiously, he began edging down it. Ten feet down, he felt himself start to slide. "Bloody…sodding….buggah…." He clawed at the surrounding rocks, trying to stop his plummet downwards. Alas, it was futile. He lost his footing, slamming into the rocks bum first before rolling the rest of the way to the bottom. 

            Wearily, he sat up, waiting for the world to stop spinning. That accomplished, he dislodged himself from the sharp rocks he had landed on, rubbing the various sore parts of his body. He gazed up at the path he had created. "Not the most graceful move you've ever made, mate."

            Just then, Spike heard something. He cocked his head, listening. He could barely make it out-meaning it wouldn't be audible to the average human ear, and thus was probably miles away. It sounded suspiciously like a horn of some kind….

            _Choooo…..Chooo…._

                _A train! _He looked around wildly. It was approaching fast. _Where the hell is it?_

            _Chooo…..Choooo…._

Near the horizon, Spike saw a very, very small column of smoke. Well, it actually wasn't very, very small. It was just really, really far away. 

            _Chooooo…..Choooo…._

He caught the sight of the train in his peripheral vision. Maybe eight, nine miles down the bay, it emerged, running along the water for a half of a mile before turning away once more. 

            _Chooooooooo……._

                It was all he could do to contain his grin. He started running towards the railroad tracks. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            "Buffy! What…How…I mean…." Xander came out into the yard, looking at Buffy quizzically. "When did you start smoking?"

            She looked down at the cigarette in her hand, smiling a little. 

            "You know, those things can kill you." He wagged his finger at her, attempting to take it away.

            She dodged him easily. "That would be poetic irony, don't you think?" She looked back out over the yard, taking a slow, long drag. "Fight the Baddies for seven years and end up dying from cigarettes." 

            Xander cocked an eyebrow. "Come on, Buffy.  Give me the cancer-stick."

            She glared at him, but let him snuff it out. "That's okay…I only smoke them because I mi-… because I like the smell." She turned her gaze to her feet, shuffling them awkwardly.

            She heard him sigh. "Buffy." He didn't need to say anything else. She knew exactly what he meant. In that single word he had said _Buffy why the heck are you so depressed over Spike I mean he was a vampire and he wasn't all that good anyway and…_

            She didn't care. She looked back to him. To her surprise, he offered her a little Comfort Smile. "Don't worry, Buff. We all have our flaws." He grinned an 'I'm Kidding I'm Kidding Please Don't Beat Me Up' Grin. Funny how she labeled all of his facial expressions. She'd never even noticed before. 

            He watched her suspiciously for a moment, before holding out his hand. "Come on, I know you don't have just that one."

            Guiltily, she pulled a pack from her back pocket. He slid it into his jacket, quite pleased with himself.

            "Xander?" Giles stood in the doorway, holding a broken kitchen tile. Those two manly men were attempting to replace them. Attempting. 

            Xander rolled his eyes and went back inside. Once he was gone, Buffy reached up into her ponytail, dislodging the cigarette she kept hidden there. She lit it, watching the flame eat away at the end of the paper. Gently, she pressed the tip against the palm of her hand. She barley felt the pain as it imbedded a nice burn into her skin. She lifted her hand in front of her face, watching it turn red and swell slightly. She took another drag off of the cigarette. Slowly. Always slowly. She looked at her hand again.

            "For you." 

            She stomped out the cigarette and went back inside. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He stopped to lean against a tree, winded. The rails were probably a mile ahead of him still. He could get there before the sun rose again. _Which doesn't matter…_ That was really bugging him. He was a vampire- creature of darkness, hunter of the night and all that stuff. He shouldn't just be lollygagging around in broad daylight. Didn't fit his image. He kept going.

            Soon, he was standing on the railroad tracks, as proud as if he had just destroyed evil once and for all. He'd found those railroad tracks, he had. He'd found them right and proper. Now, what to do…He looked back and forth a few times. The train was going in that direction. So there would be something in that direction, eventually. But it had come from that direction, meaning there was something over there as well…._Hmmm._ He consulted his map. It didn't show any railroad tracks, and even if it did it wouldn't have been any good. _Well, lets see. There are more towns to the south. And I want to be heading south anyways. So if I can just figure out where south is…_ He cursed slightly as he realized he needed the sun to come up to figure out where to go. He'd never understood that whole 'moss on the north side of the tree' stuff. He sat down on the rails to wait.

            He was really tired. Near to collapsing. He gauged he'd run a good ten miles to get here. And he hadn't eaten anything since those marshmallows. So naturally, he fell asleep. 

_***He smiled as he felt her against him. She hummed slightly, dropping her cheek to his chest.***_

_Choooo…..Choooooo….._

                ***_He started to sit up. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him back down with her. "Luv, don't you hear that?" She smiled at him, gently kissing his ear.***_

_Choooo…Choooo…._

_          ***He frowned, pulling away from her again. "What is that?" She sat up next to him, shrugging. Then she leaned over and kissed him again. He forgot about the noise.***_

Choooo….Chooo… 

Spike sat up with a start to see a fast approaching train. "SHIT!" He scrambled to his feet, tripped, and crawled like bloody hell out of the way as the engine screamed passed him. A moment later, he slapped himself in the forehead. He walked back to the rails.

"Oh, you've got to be bloody kidding me."

He leaned down, picking up the few irreparable scraps of map the train had left to taunt him. 

"Great. Just great." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Come on. The Submit Review button is right

Here. *wink*


	16. Viva Las Vegas

AN: Okay. I have several things to clear up/respond to. 1; I changed my settings (after being notified I was only accepting some reviews) so everyone can review. Sorry about that one…. 2; When I wrote ch.15, I was fooling around with font size for the sound effects, making the whole train thing a bit more humorous that it appears here. And 3; The question has been raised where Buffy was living now. I believe earlier in the story I mentioned that the group was living in an apartment complex in Nevada… Kinda forgot to tell you where they went… Anyway, Buffy and Dawn now reside in a small home in Paradise, Nevada (I love the irony…). Alright. Now that that's settled, we can get back to the ever-thickening plot.

Disclaimer: All characters (except the ones spawned by my sick, twisted mind) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss. 

Viva Las Vegas

            Buffy stopped on the sidewalk, spinning to view all the neon signs. _Bright lights…Big city…_ She hummed happily as she twirled her skate. The Scoobies had thought it might be a good idea to send Buffy to Las Vegas for the weekend. They were right. 

            Now, the thought had occurred to her to gamble and drink and maybe even be involved in some illegal behaviors, but she wanted to start by killing a few roaming vampires. She could tell the minute she set foot on the strip that the creatures of night roamed freely amongst the people. It was just a matter of finding one. 

            Her head perked up as she heard someone scream. She bolted around the corner, really to stake whatever evil being crossed her path. She skidded to a halt as she took in the scene. A woman was being held up against the building, trembling. He was holding her lightly by the wrist. _Strange,_ she thought as she approached. "Hey!"

            The man's head whipped around. And it was a man. Her eyebrows shot up. He growled at her, and even from where she stood she could smell the whiskey on his breath. She started to wrinkle her nose. Mid-wrinkle, she saw why the woman was cowering against the wall. 

            He had a gun. 

            She inhaled sharply, never taking her eyes from the pistol in his hand. He grinned at her, waving it teasingly. He steadied his hand, pointing it at her. "Cum 'ere, gurlie." Slowly, she walked towards him. She started breathing quickly, appearing terrified. 

            When Buffy was two feet from the man, she punched him in the face. His gun went off-she barely noticed. She took another step, pushing him to the ground. She winced a little. It felt like she might have stepped on a piece of glass or something. Oh well. She pulled the gun from him, glaring. He looked up at her, stupefied, before standing and running away as fast as his drunken appendages could carry him. 

            "Oh my god! Are you o…" The woman's eyes bulged out of her head for a moment. "Oh, god. Okay. I'm going to get you some help, okay? I'm getting help…" She reached into her bag, grabbing the cell phone.

            Buffy frowned. _Huh?_ She looked around, befuddled. She started walking towards the woman. Her frown deepened as she slowly tilted her head down to look at her foot. _Oh. _She sighed, sitting herself down on the curb to wait for the ambulance. _Gotta love Las Vegas…_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            "Hello?"

            "Um, hi Giles."

            "Buffy!" Giles smiled to himself. Dawn, who had been sitting next to him, looked over, interested. 

            "Um, I kind of need you to come get me."

            "What?" Giles stood up, walking into the other room. "Buffy, what happened?"

            "Um…I sort of got shot…"

            "What?!?"

            "Well, only in the foot." She explained quickly.

            Giles let his breath out. "Good God. Alright." He rubbed his forehead. "I'll be right over. Where are you?"

            She gave him directions to the hospital she was in. Now, all she had to do was wait for him to show up. 

            Wait.

_*** "Good lord pet, what did you do to yourself?" Spike stood in the opening of the curtain, forehead wrinkled with concern. He walked over to the bed, looking the girl up and down. She seemed to be okay, save the gigantic cast encasing her lower right leg._

_"I got shot." She watched as he got that 'Grr, I'm Going To Kill Whatever Did This To You' look on his face. Nice to know he cared. He reached out, brushing a stray hair from her face. She smiled as his fingers brushed her cheek.***_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            _How did that one song go? Ah, yes…_ "I've been workin' on the railroad…" Spike kicked a stone out of his path. "All the live long day…" He added a little skip to his song. "I've been workin' on the railroad just to pass the time away-ay!"

            He stopped short in his tracks. _I do believe you've gone mad, Spike-er-ooh._ Well, fine. He'd change his song. "I've got a lov-el-ey bunch of coconuts…de-dul-eey-de…" He wondered what Buffy would do if she could see him now. Probably start laughing. Or run in the opposite direction. _Don't bloody blame her._

            He was absolutely famished. Everything looked like food. The tracks looked like licorice sticks. The rocks looked like biscuits. The clouds looked like cotton candy. The berries on that bush looked like-

            At that point in his thought process he noticed the actual existence of food. He rushed over to the bush. There were tons of little red berries, just waiting to be eaten.   He stuffed a few dozen in his mouth. _Mmmmmm…_ He wondered why there were so many. They were pretty good, after all. _Bloody miracle those little forest creatures didn't get 'em._ He kept eating.

            About a half hour later, Spike slowed his pace. He felt….funny. Cautiously, he walked further. The tracks ahead of him starting swirling. Soon, he was tripping over his own feet. He stumbled away to the bushes, heaving up his 'delicious' lunch. 

            Once he'd stopped throwing up, Spike set out to find some real food. As he following his steel path, he looked along the ground for nuts or plants…maybe even a squirrel. Didn't really matter. _Anything but those berries._ He contemplated over a mushroom. _To eat, or not to eat…_ With a shrug, he popped it into his mouth. And spat it back out. Ick. With a slight shudder, he gave up his foraging expedition. 

            As he went around another bend, something caught his eye. Blue tarps tend to do that, you know. Up ahead, where the rails came out towards the water again, there was a row-boat pulled up out of the bay, covered with a blue tarp. It looked as if it had been abandoned there. 

            He walked up to it, looking around suspiciously for it's owners. He lifted the tarp, expecting some little furry thing to leap out at him. Instead, he found a piece of paper under a stone. "Hole in boat, use if you must." _Kind of a strange note._ Oh well. He noticed the hole in the boat's stern. After sizing it up, he tore a bit of his blanket off and secured it in the hole with mud. Satisfied, he drug it to the water. 

            He spent a good hour figuring out how to steer his new mode of transportation. It was hard steering with one oar, after all. He pushed himself out into the bay, determined to leave this place once and for all. 

***Buffy watched, amused, as Spike tried to steer the boat. She crawled across the boat, sitting down in front of him. He shifted closer, placing the oar in her hands. He wrapped his arms around hers, overlapping his hands on hers as they propelled themselves across the water.***

"Don't worry, Buffy." Spike paddled faster. "I'm coming." 


	17. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

AN: Thanks to everyone for the reviews! Sorry if this is a bit short/ off topic/ etc, I've been cramming for finals all night. Random apology: I warned you I didn't know anything about Canada. I did write that with an encyclopedia in hand, though. I know, I know, this is going on a bit longer than I expected it to. There are just too many amusing things Spike could run into, and it would be a crime not to explore them all. Come on, admit it, you laughed at at _least_ one of those things. No? Not even the marshmallow part? Hmmm. Well, have fun with this one. Tell me if you like, please! 

Disclaimer: All characters (except for the ones that belong to me…) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss. 

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder 

            _Dingdong…_

"Coming!" Buffy hopped up, grabbing her crutches and hobbling over to the door. She greeted a very concerned looking Xander, Willow, Kennedy and Dawn. Giles was in the kitchen, preparing some tea. They all went into the small family room.

            "Buffy! What happened?" Xander gestured wildly to her leg. "I mean-did you-demon-grrr-pow!-yelp?" He paused in his reenactment of what he thought had happened.

            "No." Buffy shrugged a little. "Just your run of the mill crazy drunk guy."

            Dawn snuggled closer to her sister. "I'm glad your okay."

            Buffy smiled. 

            "So, that's it?" Willow wrung her hands nervously. "No Big Bad? No apocalypse?"  

            "Nope." Buffy shook her head for extra emphasis. "No end of the world today." She saw the downcast look on her friends face. "Maybe tomorrow, though."

"No, it's not that." Willow wriggled uncomfortably in her seat. "I just feel like the longer there's no Big Bad, the bigger and badder the next Big Bad's going to be." 

Kennedy smirked at Willow's statement. She reached over, taking her hand in hers. "Nothing is going to happen." She looked her deep in the eyes. "We took care of it. You took care of it." She smiled. 

Buffy watched the two with mild amusement. _It must be great to love somebody like that._ She let her fingers run over the mark on her hand. _Too bad I'll never know._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Spike pulled the oar through the water effortlessly. He gazed around, noting the never changing scenery. _Aren't I on the bloody cost of Quebec? Why is everything all forest-y?_ Good lord. He was starting to sound like Buffy. _Absence makes the heart grow fonder…_

            He turned towards the coastline again. There had to be something. Somewhere. He'd been paddling for four days straight. Or had it been five? It could have been a month at this point; the days all ebbed together. He even slept in this stupid boat. _Damn uncomfortable, if I do say so myself._  

            He came upon a cluster of small islands stretched along the coast. Mentally, he debated whether or not to stop and try to find food. Eventually the more rational side of his mind won out, and he kept going. It wasn't as if he needed the food, after all. Sure, it would be nice. And he was horribly hungry. But he didn't need it the way he needed the blood. 

            He'd learned several things living on the water. One, fish are really hard to catch with your hands. Two, birds generally try to stay away from your boat when you jump out and swim frantically towards them. Three, further tearing of the blanket created a very spiffy net that had caught, upon various things, a shoe. Alas, there was no blood in the shoe. So now he had a shoe to throw at the birds. And, on one very joyous occasion, he'd hit a duck with his shoe. And when you hit ducks with shoes, they don't tend to be very happy. This one didn't tend to be very alive. He wetted his lips slightly, remembering the duck. 

            As he went around the island, he saw something in the distance. Not sure of what it was, he rowed faster. The sunlight reflected off of the water, blinding him. _What the hell is that?_ A cloud passed overhead, momentarily blocking the sun's warm gaze. He peered out over the surface of the bay. 

            "Boat." He whispered to himself, blinking. He rubbed his eyes. "Boat. Boat!" He stood up, in his excitement forgetting he was still in his skiff. "Boat!" He shifted, causing the boat to rock and, thus, dump its passenger into the water. He surfaced, sputtering and whipping the water droplets from his eyes. "Boat." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            She sat on the edge of her bed, painfully lifting her leg up onto the mattress. It was healing quickly, even for Slayer healing. _Doesn't mean it can't hurt like a son-of-a-bitch, though_. It was time for more painkillers. Oh well. She felt like being stubborn. She scooted herself up to her pillow, feeling around under it. She frowned. Propping the pillow up behind her back, she looked around her room. Her eyes lit up on the suitcase next to the bed. Using her amazing stretching skills, she grabbed it by the handle and drug it up next to her. 

            She dug around inside the main pocket. Putting the carton of cigarettes on her nightstand, she pulled out the dog-eared manila envelope. She opened the flap slowly, inhaling the scent of ink and paper and leather and cigarettes and peroxide all blended together into intoxicating cologne. Gently, she fingered the worn paper. She looked back to her cast. 

            _No. _She shook herself violently at the thought that surfaced in her mind. But she couldn't help it. It was a voice from deep inside her, something she could not control.

            _Why couldn't he have just killed me?_

            _No._ She was alive, goddammit, and she intended to stay that way. This scenario was too familiar. She sang quietly to herself. "I live in hell…." Why was it she fell in love with people who weren't there? She had loved Angel more than ever after she'd killed him. She'd never loved Riley more than that day he'd gone away. _Absence makes the heart grow fonder._

            _Damn._ She'd thought she'd gotten past this. _It's been over three months,_ she told herself stubbornly. _Now is not the depressed-weepy stage of mourning. _Mourning? She cocked her head, brooding on the word. _Mourn._ Did she ever mourn? She couldn't-she was the Slayer. Not the only one, granted, but still. She couldn't be all weepy eyed in front of her troops. She had to be the strong one.

            _And they always let that fall to me_. She looked down at the paper again. _Everyone but him._ It was ironic; the one person who didn't think the less of her when she was weak and scared was the one person she felt like being weak and scared about. 

            She didn't even wipe it away as the tear slid down her cheek. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*Points frantically to the Submit Review button*


	18. Start Again

AN: Yay! Only one day left of school! After that, I'll be writing all day and posting all night (with the exception of my job, that is). Please, I'm debating whether or not to carry out this story in Buffy fashion. Should I stop at chapter 22 and start a new story for season "9" or just keep going? As always, your reviews are much appreciated. 

Disclaimer: All characters (w/exceptions that you already know by now) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.

Start Again

Spike jumped up and down in the water, waving his arms frantically. "Boat!" Realizing this wasn't doing him any good, he got back in his own boat and started rowing towards the lumber craft. Luckily enough, it had stopped to pickup a load. 

He drew nearer to the vessel. He imagined the expression on everyone's faces when they saw him. Yes, he could see it now. 

_***Willow's jaw dropped open as she sputtered a few words. Xander looked at him as if he was some sort of ghost. Giles dropped his glasses, raising his eyebrows and smiling a little. The girls all gasped, swooning. Dawn ran up to him, squealing. Andrew waved frantically. And Buffy stood back against the wall, just staring at him in that really creepy no-blinking sort of way. She opened her mouth, but couldn't find the words to fill it. He walked up to her, never tearing his eyes from hers. "Miss me, love?"***_

He could barely contain his grin as he pulled up next to the boat. _I'm going home._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            "And it's a gorgeous day here in sunny Nevada, with temperatures reaching-" Buffy slapped the snooze button on her alarm, rolling over sleepily. _Just a few more minutes. _She tried to forget about having to go to work that day. _It's too much of a sleeping day to be a working day._ Damn. She was wide away now. Angrily, she untangled herself from the sheets and stomped out to the bathroom.

            After showering, she padded around her bedroom getting her stuff together. Stuffing her tank top and pants into her gym bag, she looked around for socks. She pulled on an oversized black T-shirt and jeans, grabbing a breakfast bar as she hurried out the door. _Can't be late today._

            Hopping into the car, she tore out of the drive way while shifting through the morning radio shows.

            "Hi, I'm Docter Bertha-"

            "Grrrrrrreat new music, coming-"

            "_If ya wanna know, if he-_"

            "_Nothing else can fix me even though-"_

            "_Fake plastic trees are dead-" _

"_Hey little sister what have you done…"_

            Buffy scrambled to turn of the radio. Cocking her head, she noted this was actually a good song. She started bopping her head, murmuring the lyrics. "Who's the only one…" Amidst traffic, she started pounding on the wheel and thrashing her still damp hair. Turning up the volume, she belted, "IT'S A NICE DAY TO START AGAIN!" She caught the irony in that, smiling to herself. She let her eyes drift out to the clouds, wishing things had been different. _Nice day to start again._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            "How the hell did you get all the way out here?"

            "Ah. Yes. Right." Spike nodded seriously. "Horribly lost. I was camping. And a….bear…ate my….stuff." He looked around uncomfortably. "I'd really appreciate the lift.

            The captain looked him up and down suspiciously. Sighing, he turned to his crew. "Get this man some clothes, please." Shaking his head, he went back to his cabin. 

            Spike smiled smugly. The smile quickly disappeared when he looked down at his new digs. _Well, at least their clothes._ Spike went off to the bathroom to change into his orange cargo pants and white muscle T. _Someone, remind me how this is better than a blanket 'round the waist._

            He quickly noticed that this boat went a lot faster than his. Granted, there was an engine instead of one cracked oar, and it was a lot bigger… "'Scuse me…" He tapped one of the workmen on the shoulder. "Where are we going, exactly?"

            "Fort Rupert." The man said, never looking up from his job. 

            Spike suppressed the odd urge to giggle. _Fort Rupert. Heh. _"Right then." He nodded several times to himself. "…Where is that, exactly?"

            "'Bout five hundred miles south of here."

            "Bloody." Spike shuffled his feet on the deck. "Anywhere besides that?"

            "All the ports in between."

             "Ah." Spike nodded again, walking away. He watched the water stream past them. The clouds overhead drifted by slowly. _Always slowly._ He sighed, momentarily content to be going back where he belonged. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Buffy finished up with her last client just as the sun was setting. As she changed back into her street clothes, she sized up the other female trainers. _I bet I could take her. _Even a day of coaching didn't make her miss the challenge any less. Eyeing the woman one last time, she headed out into the main hallway.

            "Buffy!" A man turned, waving at her. She walked over, desperetly trying to remember his name. "Hi…."

            "Kevin." He grinned at her, shifting his bag to his other arm.

            "Kevin. Right. Sorry." She winced a little. "I have a problem with names."

            He laughed. It was deep, but not deep-evil-seductive-chuckle deep. _Focus, Buff._ She shook her head, looking back up at him. He grinned again. "I was wondering…I know you're sort of new to the area, new to the job, maybe you don't know all the best eating establishments in town." He nodded seriously, his eyes glittering with wit. "I feel, as a fellow worker, it is my obligation to, perhaps, take you to one?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her response.

            Buffy had one thought in her mind just then, and she had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at it. _What a sodding poof. _She heard someone saying, "I think I'll have to pass, Kevin." _Wait…was that me?_

            He nodded, shrugging. "Maybe another time." He winked. "See ya." 

            She blinked as he went out the door. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

            _["She needs a little monster in her man."]_

            Buffy closed her eyes, trying to forget everything that had happened to her. "So much for starting again." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He lay on his back, watching the stars. Soon, he'd be with her again. Soon. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You will send me a review. You _will_ send me a review….


	19. Apocalypse

AN: Thanks for the reviews! Sorry if some of you *cough cough* are getting impatient, but I would rather do this right than do it speedy. However, I am planning something big for the "finale". You'll just have to keep reading to find out what it is *insert evil laugh here*. 

Disclaimer: All characters (w/exceptions) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.

Apocalypse 

            The sun rose slowly over the horizon. It's beams spread out, catching the fluorescent vampire snoozing on deck. He mumbled something about 'sodding peccadilloes' and then rolled over. But the sun was too high in the sky now. He opened his eyes, squinting up at the sky. _I don't think I'll ever get used to this._ He sat up, stretching.

            The scenery had changed considerably. Instead of forests, other boats, docks, and plenty of fishermen surrounded them. _How long was I asleep?_

            "Ah, you're awake then." A man approached him, speaking heavily accented English. "Untangle these." He dropped a knot of rope into Spike's arms. 

            "Where are we?" Spike clawed through the ropes, looking for the end.

            "Fishing town, 'bout seventy miles past Inoucdjouac." The man took some tools out of his toolbox, fastening a fishing line to tow after the boat.

            Spike frowned as he wrapped the rope around his arm. "Aren't we going to stop here?"

            "Sure, for fuel." The man stood from his work, baiting the hook before throwing it into the water. "Then we're out again for Fort Rupert."

            "Yeah." Spike set his pile of rope to the side. "Is there any airport around here?"

            The man frowned. "No….there's a highway, and a railway that can take you down towards southern Quebec. There's an airport 'round there." He eyed Spike suspiciously. "Where are you going?"

            "Ca-" He stopped. _Oh, bloody hell._ He'd forgotten. What if she wasn't in California? Well, he had to check. "California."

            The man nodded. "Hope you have money with you." He picked up the wound ropes. "Thanks."

            Spike bit his lip. He didn't have any money. Not even for food. How was he going to afford to get back to California? Sighing, he bid a fond farewell to the captain and headed out into the village. 

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            She looked up from the book she was reading to see the water in her glass shaking. "Odd," she mused, trying to concentrate on her story. It didn't help when the picture frame slid off the shelf above her bed and bonked her on the head. "Ow!" She rubbed her head, grumbling. She grumbled a bit louder when the whole house began to shake. She jumped off the bed and ran to the doorframe, watching her room implode upon itself.

            "Buffy!" Dawn squealed from across the hallway.

            "It's okay, Dawn." She shouted over the rumbling. "Just stand there in the doorway."

            The sisters rode out the rest of the earthquake in silence. As the house resumed it's semi-peaceful state, Buffy went across the hall to make sure Dawn was okay. _An earthquake in Nevada isn't a normal occurrence. _She went to the phone to call Giles. _Damn._ The phone lines were down. The girls climbed into the car, speeding around the cracks and miscellaneous items in the road. 

            Giles met them outside the door, a serious look upon his face. He hurried them inside the apartment, where the rest of the Scoobies were already sitting. Buffy looked at each of them in turn. "What happened."

            Giles sat on a chair arm, whipping his glasses with his handkerchief. "We're not sure of anything yet, Buffy."

            She raised her eyebrows doubtfully. "The last two earthquakes we've been in have signified apocalypse, Giles." 

            "No," Willow corrected her quietly. "I mean, those two sure, but this last one was a…a good thing." Her volume continued to decrease as she watched the expression on her friend's face darken. "Well, not good per se, except for the whole saving the world dealie…"

            Buffy shook it off. "It's okay. I know what you mean." She turned back to Giles. "But I doubt this was anything in the good."

            He shrugged. "I suppose we could look into it…"

            "Ooh! Research time!" Xander rubbed his hands together eagerly. 

            Dawn smiled at him. "Can I help?"

            "Sure!" Xander slung an arm around her shoulders jokingly. "What else are a mystical key and a construction worker good for?"

            Giles nodded at the pairing. "Good. You do that. And Buffy-"

            "Let me guess." She tapped her fingers against her cheek, feigning concentration. "Go patrolling for any Big Bads?"

             "Well, actually no." Giles pointed at a quiet Kennedy sitting beside Willow. "Take Kennedy and go patrolling for any Big Bads."

            "Yes sir." Buffy saluted, jumping up and grabbing Kennedy by the arm. 

Willow waved as the two went out the door. "Be….careful."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He explored the town hesitantly, looking for a way to get money. _Got to be some odd job around here for a bloke._ Basically, there were….houses. A bait shop. Lots of boats. _These people like fish,_ he mused. Ooh. A post office. He walked inside, looking for any Help Wanted signs that happened to be lying about. Finding none, he gave the shop a once-over. Noticing the pay phone in the corner, he approached the cashier. "'Scuse me, mam."

            The woman blinked.

            "Wonderin' if you could borrow me a quarter."

            Her eyes narrowed. "What for?"

            Spike leaned against the counter more casually. "Well, I got horribly lost on our camping trip, and these really nice fisher-people gave me a lift here, and doggone it all I don't have any quarters of my own to call my poor, sweet wife…."

            The woman sighed and slid a quarter over the counter. 

            "….and little Billy and the puppy-" He looked down at the money, straightening up a bit. "Right. Thanks." He went over to the phone.

            _Canada…Quebec…U.S._ He lifted a large phone book onto the counter. _Come on, you better bloody be in here…_ Finding the number he wanted with a smug grin, he dropped his money in and dialed.

            _Pause_

"…Yeah, it's me."

            _Pause_

"Spike." He smirked at the voice at the other end. "Yeah, I'm in a bit of a pinch…."

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*That submit review button looks awful lonely down there…*


	20. There Could Be Oil Of Some Kind Involved

AN: As always, a big** thanks** to all the readers and reviewers of my story. I'm trying to wrap everything up all neat and tidy, but with only three chapters left to do it in I might have to skip some stuff. I'm dead serious when I say it's up to you to tell me whether or not you want season '9' in this story or if you want season '9' to have a story of it's own. 

            *shakes fist at reviewers jokingly* You're stealing my thunder, guys. I was planning in making this chapter a phone conversation, but because of time/_your deductive minds_ I'm going to have to skip that. Can't have my readers getting ahead of me. Don't worry, I'll probably have Spike 'remember' the phone conversation later on. Enjoy this one-it's going to be very interesting. 

Disclaimer: All characters (w/exceptions) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss. ***note: if certain characters do not act like themselves/are in different situations than they usually are, I'm sorry.***

There Could Be Oil Of Some Kind Involved

            Buffy and Kennedy walked quickly down the street. Not knowing this town very well, they'd decided to stick to the main streets in hopes of finding a cemetery or sewer entry somewhere. So far, no such luck. The closest they'd come was a run down gas station. 

            "It could have just been a quake, Buffy." Kennedy looked over at the other Slayer. "It doesn't necessarily have to be anything bad."

            "No." Buffy clutched her stake tighter. "I could feel it. That wasn't your run-of-the-mill plate-shift-y thingie. It was something else." As if on cue, a vampire ran around the corner straight into the arms of the two girls. 

            Kennedy immediately delivered a swift kick to the vampire's chest. As she yelped in pain, she said "Buffy- he's got something…in his shirt…"

            Buffy grabbed him by the collar, yanking him to his feet before her. Punching him, she reached inside his jacket. Sure enough, there was something. Pulling it out, she found a very old-looking book- except it was bound in some sort of metal. The vampire growled, lunging for the book. She staked him through the heart, still examining the book. She looked over at Kennedy as the dust settled. "Let's get this back to Giles." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            He stepped out of the gate and into one of the largest airports in the world. He stumbled out to the doors in his flip-flops, grumbling to himself. _Real funny. Send me enough money for a plane ticket and then five dollars to buy shoes._ Still, it was nice to know he was finally getting somewhere. Maybe. Now all he had to do was wait and see if the poof showed up. 

            Spike sat down on a bench, watching the people hurry past him. The sun had set long ago-the stupid whelp was just trying to make some sort of a point, surely. _Haha. Leave me here with no bloody way of getting anywhere until he feels like being merciful to poor, pathetic Spike._

            He looked up at the shadow that had stopped in his line of vision. _Always have to be so sodding melodramatic._ He turned his eyes up to the fixed glaze of his grandsire. 

            "Angel."

            "Spike." Angel's frown deepened. "Buffy told me you were dead."

            "Was dead." Spike stood up, stepping closer. "Back now."

            Angel looked at him, confused. "How?"

            "None of your damn business." Spike started walking. Angel had no choice but to follow him.

            "I think you'd know enough to be nicer than that," Angel growled. "You should be down on your knees thanking me."

            Spike stopped in the alley. "Not much for that, really." He staggered back as Angel punched him in the face. "Bloody hell!"

            Angel came at him again, kicking him backwards into a dumpster. As he stood up, wincing, he remembered something.

["One of these days I'm just gonna put you two in a room and let you wrastle it out…there could be oil of some kind involved…"]

He smirked despite himself, launching an attack. He managed to land a few decent punches before Angel knocked him back again. "What- did you bring me all the way here just to beat me up?"

Angel contemplated that, before nodding. "Yeah. Pretty much." He kicked him hard in the ribs. "What do you want, Spike?"

"Buffy." The word was out before he could even think about it. Angel lost it, vamping out and lifting him high over his head before throwing him into the side of a building. 

"Don't even think about it, pal." Angel was on Spike before he could get up, pinning him to the ground. He reached into his pocket, pulling out a stake.

Even in this dangerous situation, Spike couldn't help chuckling. "Oh please. You're only being huffy because you know she loves me instead of you!" He let himself be slapped before continuing, a smug look upon his face. "And you can't stand that." He took the beating willingly, still smiling. "Look at yourself! All vamped out because your big, bad Buffy likes lil' old me." 

Angel shook him by the shoulders, loosing his temper. "Stop saying that!" 

"Why?" Spike lowered his voice to a whisper, forcing Angel to lean in to hear it. He took the opportunity to head butt Angel in the nose, forcing him to get off. As the older vampire cried out in pain, Spike jumped to his feet, and kicked the stake out of his hand. They faced each other, waiting. 

"Go away, Spike." Angel glared at him, letting his voice drop dangerously low. "Leave."

"No." Spike dodged the attempted punch, grabbing him by the arm and flipping him over. "Not until you give me what I want."

Angel looked up at him, incredulous. "And why the hell would I ever do that?" He kicked him, sweeping his legs out from under him. He lay there a minute before standing up. Spike stood as well, silent. The vampires faced again, wearily. "Do you think I'm just going to let you go and ruin her life?"

Vamping out as well, Spike dove at him even before the words were all the way out of his mouth. Kicking him in the stomach, he punched him once, twice, thrice before Angel ducked out. He chased after him, jumping on his back. Angel dropped to the ground, trying to fight him off. Spike pulled off a bit, only to smack him again. He slammed his head into the ground before flipping backwards. Angel started to get up as Spike kicked him again. Angel kneeled on the pavement, gasping for air even though he didn't need it. Spike picked up the stake, approaching the wounded vampire. He leaned over him, holding the stake against his chest and devamping. Angel stared at the stake, befuddled. 

"Where is she."

Angel growled at him, returning to his human form. "Even if I knew, I'd never tell you."

"Wrong answer," Spike whispered. He carefully pushed the stake against his skin just enough to hurt. "Try again."

"I don't know, alright?" Angel rolled his eyes. "So you can pull that stupid stake off me."

He dropped the stake, grabbing Angel by the throat. "I really don't want to kill you. Figure she wouldn't be too keen on that." He drug him to his feet. "And what with the soul and all, it wouldn't be so great for me either." He pushed him away, brushing himself off. He blinked a few times. "Does this mean I won?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            Buffy opened the door, walking in with Kennedy behind her. Willow jumped up from the couch. "Hi! Is everything okay? Did you find anything?"

"Hi, yes, and yes." Buffy smiled grimly. She walked around Willow to Giles. "We found this." She handed him the book quietly.

            Giles turned the book over in his hands, looking like, well, a librarian who'd just been given a new book. "Extraordinary." He lifted the cover, peering inside. "Where did you say you got this?"

            "Some vampire." Buffy shrugged.

            "We were walking down the street, and a vampire ran into us." Kennedy's eyes gleamed with excitement. "Literally. He had that book hidden in his jacket."

            Buffy nodded. "So the book…"

            "Must be important enough for a fleeing vampire to try to conceal," Giles finished for her. He looked at it again. "It appears to be written in some ancient tounge…"

            Willow peered over his shoulder. "Ooh! I recognize that!" They all looked at her, confused. "Um, one of my spell books." She tried to explain. "I mean, back when I was practicing." 

            Giles frowned. "Your spell book was written in this?"

            "No." Willow looked down at her hands. "It was part of a spell…a chant….I couldn't decipher it." 

            "Which book?" Giles started walking towards his new collection of books. 

            "It was a Book of Shadows Amy gave me…" She looked down again. "She said she'd gotten it from a very powerful witch."

            "And now it's buried in Sunnydale." Giles sighed. 

            "I could try to translate it," She offered helpfully.

            Giles smiled at her. "That's quite alright. I shall enjoy the challenge." He went over to the table where Dawn and Xander already sat, opening it again and paging through it. After a moment, he frowned. "Buffy, I think you might like to take a look at this."

            She walked over slowly, looking down at the page Giles had stopped on. On it was a crudely drawn figure with light streaming from an amulet on its chest. 

            "Spike," she whispered. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One word, two syllables. Starts with an R. What could it be???


	21. The Champion

AN: Okay, it's official: this will be the second to last chapter of After The End. But fear not, my loyal spuffy fans, the story is not over! I'll be starting a new one picking up right after this season's 'finale'. And you'd better read it, because I'm planning one doozy of a cliffhanger… I've noticed some of you were a little confused about what happened last chapter with Spike, and I thought I'd let you know I will be explaining that…in the new story. So that's now two reasons for you to go and read it. The third; it's going to be filled to the brim with spuffy goodness! Meanwhile, here's the twenty first chapter….

Disclaimer: All characters (w/exceptions) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.

The Champion

            They walked quickly through the silence, making their way back to his office. _Still don't understand what's there that's going to help._ He moaned to himself as the wanker stopped again. "What now?"

            Angel looked fiercely at him, as if staring hard enough might make the younger vampire combust. He sighed, realizing that wouldn't help the situation any. "Why her."

            Spike blinked in confusion. He hadn't expected that. He puffed himself up, defensive. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

            "Why did you come back." Angel raised his eyebrows. "For her?"

            "Of course for her!" He exclaimed, exasperated. "It's always for her."

            "Don't I know it." Angel shook his head, oddly enough relating to him. They kept walking. "I'd die for that girl."

            "Yeah, well I _died _for that girl." Spike glowered at him. "You lost your chance, Nancy-boy."

            Angel grimaced. "I know. I'd do anything to just be with her again."

            "Well, you can't." He walked close to Angel, poking him in the chest. "You're just going to have to accept the bloody fact that she's not happy with you." He smiled faintly. "You tear her apart, did you know that? I've never seen her cry so much as she's cried over you. If you loved her you'd leave her be." 

            "I do love her." He protested, shoving Spike away from him. "Why else do you think I didn't hang up on you the minute I heard your voice?"

            Spike smirked. "Really now."

            Angel scowled. "She said…" He mumbled something incomprehensible under his breath.

            He held a hand up to his ear, leaning forward. "I can't hear you now, Angelus."

            Angel's head snapped up. "She said you were her boyfriend in her heart," He said in a clipped tone. "I don't know what the hell you did, but it seems she isn't wanting to kill you anymore." He eyed him enviously.

            He couldn't help grinning. "Well now. Isn't this a treat." He shook it off, serious again. "Why are we going here?"

            Angel led the way into the building. "A few months ago, couple days after the final battle, Buffy called to say she was okay." He went into his office, digging through his papers. "I wrote down the phone number she called from somewhere…"

            Spike looked over his shoulder. "How do you know it wasn't from a payphone?"

            "I don't." He stood, a post-it note in hand. "But it's all I have." He looked down at it thoughtfully.

            He reached out to grab it. Angel pulled it back. "Come on now, really." He held out his hand.

            Angel looked down at it again. "If you hurt her I'll kill you," He whispered.

            Spike took the post-it from his hand. "Guess I'll be living forever, then," he replied softly. He nodded at him, and left. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            _BRRRING_

Buffy stood up from the couch, walking over to the phone. "Hello?"

            "Buffy?"

            Her heart stopped. He sounded horribly worried about something. "What is it."

            Giles sighed into the phone. "I think I may have a little bit of the translation…you're going to want to come over here." 

            She nodded. "We'll be right over." She hung up, grabbing her shoes. "Dawn, come on."

            Dawn popped her head out of the kitchen. "Hmm?"

            "We're going to Giles'." She went out to the car, barely waiting for Dawn at she sped off.

            "From as far as I can tell, it's an ancient form of Samarian." He said, pointing out some of the words. "See, some of these characters have similar shapes and word structure. But there is an influence…" He frowned at the pages. "That is clearly older than any other language. Willow-" Willow waved from behind him. "Has checked online all the ancient languages, trying to find a match. Like I said, it most closely matches Samarian. By altering a few of these letters to those in the Samarian alphabet they resemble, I was able to form a few sentences." 

            Buffy frowned. "Such as…"

            He pointed again to the picture of the man with the amulet. "From this part. I was able to get '_to save them, the champion of heart_'." 

            "The champion of heart." Buffy bit her tongue. "Spike."

            "Yes." Giles nodded. He flipped ahead a few pages. "And here…it says '_without _something_, it devours_'." He shrugged. "I don't know what that one means." 

            Dawn pointed to a word. "Here, that one looks familiar." She stared at it. "It looks like one on the other page."

            Giles flipped back and forth, comparing the two. "Oh dead lord."

            "What?" Buffy inhaled sharply. 

            "That's not what it says." Giles studied the words. "Them…I was translating wrong. It doesn't say them." He looked up at Buffy. "It says her."

            "_To save her, the champion of heart_," She whispered. _"Without her, it devours_?" Suddenly, she gasped. ["_From beneath you, it devours…"_] "Guys, this isn't good."

            "I'd say not." Giles sat down, Samarian dictionary in hand. "All we can do now is try to figure the rest out." 

             "Great." Xander pouted from the couch. "Why is it we're always sitting around, waiting for the end of the world?" 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            _BRRING_

            "Hello?"

            Spike gulped. "…Buffy?"

            "I'm sorry, you must have the wrong number." The lady went to hang up.

            "No!" He clutched the phone tightly. "Buffy Summers. Did she used to live there?"

            "I don't know." The woman sighed. "A lot of people move in and out of here."

            "Where are you, exactly?" Realizing that wasn't the best way to phrase the question, he tried again. "Is it a hotel or something?"

            "A rental apartment complex," The woman answered. "Look, do you want the manager's number?"

            "Yes!" Spike dug around in his pockets for a pen. Finding none, he turned to a random passerby. "Can I borrow a pen?"

            The woman gave him the number. After returning the pen, Spike dropped in another quarter.

            "Hello."

            "Hi. I was wondering if you kept records of people who lived at your complex."

            "Why?" The man asked suspiciously.

            Spike searched his brain for something clever to say. "Well, my sister and her friends sort of ran off awhile ago, and we've been real worried about them, thought they might have stopped there."

            "Name."

            "Bu-" He paused. "She might be registered under Buffy Summers…or maybe Anne Summers?"

            "Buffy Anne Summers." The man read off his computer. "Yeah. Lived here for about a month and a half."

            "Great." Spike looked around for that guy with the pen again. "Did she leave any forwarding information?"

            "They all have to leave their addresses before they move out." The man started to read it off. "One-wait. How do I know you're not some ex-boyfriend out to kill her or anything?"

            He rubbed his forehead. "I really need to find her, sir."

            "I can only give you the town."

            "Fine!"

            "Paradise, Nevada." 

            "Thank you." Spike hung up, quite pleased with himself. Now all he had to do was get to Nevada. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he found a wad of cash. _Odd…_ With a shrug, he put the money back in his pocket. _Paradise, here I come. _

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*** She was swimming, gasping for breath. The current pulled her under, tossing her against the sharp rocks and coral. She struggled, trying to kick her way back to the surface. The darkness crept up behind her, enveloping her in its lurid embrace. She tried to scream; more water filled her lungs. She felt herself slipping. An arm plunged into the water, grabbing her and yanking her to safety. The moonlight reflected off of his hair softly, as he pulled her into his arms. "Don't worry, luv." He ran his fingers through her hair, slowly. Always slowly. "I won't leave you."***

She sat up, startled. She'd fallen asleep. Looking around, Buffy realized she hadn't been the only one. Dawn was conked out beside her. Xander was snoring loudly on her other side. Standing up, she realized even poor Giles had fallen asleep on top of his books. Willow sat at the table, jerking as her head fell forward. She's be out soon. Kennedy was sleeping curled up in a chair on the other side of the room. 

Buffy walked up behind Giles. Before him, he had the book, along with a notebook filled with rough translations. He had progressed significantly before crashing, she discovered. 

_"To save her, the champion of heart will rise. Dark will lighten and the world will be anew as it never was."_ She carefully pulled the notebook out from under Giles' arm. He had finished the other sentence, too. _"Dark is held as long as light remains; without her it devours."_  She shuddered. There was more. He had started on a new selection; between the two he had. Her blood ran cold as she read it. _"Without heart, she will fall."_

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   I'll just naturally assume that if you don't review you don't want me to continue….


	22. Always Slowly

AN: Finally, after twenty-one chapters, the finale is finally here! I honestly never thought I would receive half the reviews that I did, so I just want to thank every single one of you who have read this story or sent reviews in. I will be beginning work on the next 'season' immediately picking up after this chapter. Read, review, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters (w/exceptions) belong to UPN, Mutant Enemy, and the all-powerful Joss.

Always Slowly

The loose gravel crunched underfoot as he lightly stepped off the bus. _Welcome to Paradise, Nevada._ He paused, closing his eyes and letting the other passengers brush past him. She was here. He could sense it. Every inch of his skin was alive with exhilaration and adrenaline. He took a cautious step, feeling her presence all around him. Another. Another. 

He strolled through the thinning crowd down the street. Buildings, shops on either side. The residential areas were further ahead. The wind blew through his new duster, chilling him despite his excitement. _Where are you?_

Round another corner. The shops were starting to close. The sun was setting, cooling the dry, hot air. He let his eyes run over the unfamiliar faces, searching for the blond hair and petite figure. He slowed his pace outside a coffee shop, peering inside.

A young, dark haired man stood waiting for his order. Spike frowned, squinting at him. _Xander?_ He turned, taking the drinks and walking towards the exit. He never even saw the woman on his left as he brushed past her. _Well I'll be…_ Spike smiled as Xander stepped out and walked to a parked car. He leaned against the building casually, watching as the car pulled away. With a smirk, he trailed after it slowly. Always slowly. 

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            Buffy wrung her hands nervously. "What does that mean? _Without heart, she will fall_?" Try as she might, she wasn't as good an actress as she hoped. She knew exactly what it meant. '_The champion of heart…without heart, she will fall._'_ No. He's gone. There's nothing I can do about that. I can't need him. I can't. _ She shook her head. 

            Giles ignored her question. They had spent all day working on the translations, after having slept here the night before. Triumphantly, he finished the last few lines of translation of the first chapter. "Buffy." 

            She read over his shoulder, aloud.  "_Into each time before one was sent to save the world. One to balance the forces of light and of dark. Among them, there will be one unlike the rest. The One. She is the way to maintaining the balance for which they have fought. She will be beyond goodness or evil. To save her, the champion of heart will rise. Dark will lighten and the world will be anew as it never was. He will give himself to save them all._" She straightened. "It's a prophecy."

            "Yes." Giles stood. "And so far it seems to be accurate." He walked around to the center of the room, his eyes still locked on Buffy. "This 'One' has been prophesized before. It was always more of a myth, really." He sighed. "Based on legend, it in itself is the cosmic balance. The-the key, if you will, to ultimate control of good and evil." Smiling slightly, he approached her. "Apparently, it's you." 

            "Me?!?" Buffy squeaked. Collapsing into the couch, she let herself be comforted by Dawn, Willow and Kennedy. 

            "Hey, that's not so bad." Willow sat down beside her. "I mean, you were always the Slayer before. Now you get to be a…a Slayer with benefits!"

            "Yeah." Dawn wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You can do this-I mean, it's not so different from what you were doing before..."

            She whished she could believe them. They all thought she was this super-strong person who never felt like giving up, never felt the pressure of everyone depending on her. _What would they think of me, if they knew?_ She had to be strong for them. There was nothing else for her to be. 

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            _Dammit._ Even with his super-natural speed, there was no way Spike could successfully chase a car going fifty miles an hour. He could try, though. Which is how he ended up standing in the middle of a street amongst a bunch of houses that looked exactly like each other. _This is bloody ridiculous._ He could really go for a smoke right now. Too bad there weren't any gas stations around. _She's got to be around here, somewhere. I can smell her. _He smiled to himself. She hated the whole vampire smelling thing. Didn't make it any less true, though. There was just enough vanilla and jasmine and roses in the air to make him loose his mind. He walked faster.

            _The whelp turned…somewhere up here._ He looked down the street as he crossed it. They all looked the same. The car had turned, he was sure of it. So why were his senses leading him forward? 

            "William."

            He didn't even pretend to look surprised as he turned to face her. "Hello again."

            The girl smiled softly at him. "William, you know what you have to do."

            Spike nodded. "Yup."

            "You cannot inform her why you came back."

            "I know that." He blinked at her, irritated. "Can't tell the girl I love I came back because she needs me. Got that message."

            The girl smiled again. "Good luck, William." She started fading out, slowly. Always slowly. "There will always be a place for you with us."

            "Won't need it, love." He whispered to the night. He was alone again. Suddenly, he knew exactly where he was going. 

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              "Buffy, maybe it's best for you to go home." Giles looked up, nodding to Xander as he came through the door with the coffee. "I can call you if I come up with anything else. You and Kennedy should really be resting up, in case whatever this thing is decides to show itself." 

            "He's right." Kennedy nodded from behind Willow. "You go home, and I'll do another sweep of the streets."

            "I'm coming with you," Willow said quickly.      

            Kennedy smiled. 

            Buffy stood up, reaching for her jacket. "Thanks. But we don't know what's out there." She turned towards the two girls. "If we do any patrolling it should be all of us." 

            Willow frowned. "Buffy, we're okay. We don't even know if there's anything out there." 

            "I agree," Giles offered from the kitchen.

            "Look, Buff." Xander set down the drinks and walked over to his friend. "Go home, relax, watch cheesy old movies. We've got this covered."

            Buffy looked around at all of them reluctantly. Finally, she pouted good-naturedly. "Fine. Don't let me have any fun." She headed towards the door. "If you guys are sick of crashing here, I've got that spare room."

            "We might drop by later," Willow replied, non-committal. "Bye…" She waved as Dawn and Buffy slipped out the door.

            "Can I drive?" Dawn stood by the car eagerly.

            "No." Buffy got in and started the engine. Dawn sulked around to the other side, slamming the door as she sat down. "I know how to drive, Buffy."

            "I know." Buffy pulled out onto the street, heading for home. "I'd just…rather….not have you drive now." She went out onto the main street, barely taking notice of the man walking alongside the road. "You never know what you might encounter driving at night."

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            Spike's head snapped up as a car drove past him. _That car…_. His jaw dropped in surprise as he recognized the scent. _Buffy._ And not just Buffy, he realized with a start. _Niblet?_ He watched as it sped off out of his view. He broke into a jog, following his girls. 

            He'd run up the driveway, collapsing on the front porch. One of them, probably Dawn, would open the door, and scream his name. Buffy would come out, speechless. _No,_ Spike corrected himself, _She'll be crying._ _Wait-I don't want her to cry…_ He tried again. He'd run up the driveway, knocking on the front door. Buffy would open the door, her eyes wide with disbelief. "Spike?" She'd whisper, her eyes watering up. He'd kiss her, and then… Spike grinned at his little fantasy and ran faster. He let the sound of his boots hitting the pavement coincide with her name. "Buf- fy Buf- fy Buf- fy…" 

Okay. He had it now. He'd run down the street. When he got to her house, she'd be sitting on the porch. He'd walk up to her, slowly. _Always slowly._ She'd look up, a smile breaking on that gorgeous face. She'd jump up, and run down to him, leaping into his arms. She would wrap her arms around him, as if he might float away if she didn't hold on to him. She would kiss him as if it was the last kiss they'd ever have. She'd love him the way he'd always begged her to.

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               She pulled into the garage, turning off the lights. Dawn jumped out, darting for the front door with the keys. Wearily, Buffy walked out onto the driveway. _This can't be real…I can't be…_ She dug around in the pockets of her jacket, frowning. As much as the Scoobies, Xander in particular, criticized her, it had become a habit. She stared at the cigarette in her hand. Much as she hated to admit it, she only smoked them because it reminded her of him. And right now, with literally the entire universe resting on her shoulders, she wished he were there with her. _Without heart, she will fall. _She lit the cigarette, blowing the smoke out above the yard. _It really is a horrible habit. I should stop. _ She took in another drag, slowly. _Always slowly._ She shivered as the phrase slid into her mind. Shrugging, she dropped the still lit cigarette onto the pavement and went inside. 

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               He skidded to a stop on the street corner. Closing his eyes, he turned right. The car had gone right. Buffy had gone right. Right? He peaked out to see what lay before him. Small, older houses on either side of the road. A sidewalk. He took a deep, unnecessary breath. _Now or never, Spike. This is what you came back for. Can't get all bashful now._ He started down the sidewalk. 

               The sky was completely dark now. Any little kids playing outside had long since been put to bed. Even the dogs were within their homes. The street was quiet. Quiet except for the light _clomp, clomp _of new boots against the concrete. 

               His heart, after being silenced for over one hundred years, felt like it was about to burst. He slowed his pace, trying desperately to control his breathing. As he went around a slight curve, his gaze settled upon a small house.  He knew instantly it was hers. Whether it was the draperies in the window or the small garden gnome placed jokingly in the lawn, he wasn't sure. But it was hers. 

               He approached it slowly, as if it might explode should he walk too fast. _Always slowly,_ he noted. _It's always been slowly._ The irony wasn't lost on him. 

               Spike stepped onto the driveway. He noticed a lit cigarette lying alongside the grass. Gingerly, he bent over to pick it up.  He took a puff, looking down at it with astonishment. "She smokes now?" he whispered quietly to no one. 

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               Dawn walked over to the front door, starting to open it. 

"Where are you going?"

 Dawn looked over at her sister, who was watching from the doorway. "I just thought I'd go outside for some air, that's all." 

Buffy raised an eyebrow at her. "Sure." 

"I swear-I just want to go for a little walk."

Buffy smirked. It was something she'd been doing a bit of, lately. "It's dark out." She tossed her the cell phone. "Be back in ten minutes."

"Okay." Dawn turned happily and went out the door, humming to herself. Absent-mindedly, she looked around. She screamed as she saw the dark figure standing on their driveway. 

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            Spike jumped as he heard the shrill screech of a Summers girl. He took a few hurried steps towards her. She backed away, her scream still piercing the night's air. "Dawn?"

            Her head snapped up, recognizing the British accent instantly. Her jaw dropped as she raised her gaze slowly to his concerned face. 

            "Dawn?!?"

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            Buffy ran outside, standing on the porch as she cried out her sister's name. "Dawn?!?" She darted down the stairs to the driveway.

            Buffy stopped so suddenly she may as well have run into a wall. Her eyes locked on the boots on the driveway. Slowly, she lifted her gaze. _Always slowly._ Dark pants, met by the edge of a dark colored duster. Hands with skin the color of flour. Broad chest covered by a warm looking sweater. And bleached hair, though so far grown it was hardly blond. She gasped as her eyes connected with his. Her lower lip trembled slightly. "Sp…Spike?"

            Spike smiled as she stood there, speechless. _Please Buffy, don't cry. _He took a step closer to her. "Buffy." The word came out more like a sigh than the name of the one person that meant more to him than anything. 

            She let the tear roll down her cheek. _He's not dead…he's not dead…_ Abruptly, she walked down so she was standing right in front of him. "Spike."

            He reached up, whipping the tear away with his hand. She smiled, never tearing her gaze from his. He leaned down, closing his eyes and lightly brushing his lips with hers. _Finally. _

As the kiss ended, Buffy threw her arms around his neck. _Don't leave me. _She buried her face in his shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

 He pulled her close, breathing her in. _God, that smell…_ He was never letting go of her again. "I love you," He whispered quietly into her ear.

Buffy pulled back, resting her forehead against his. She smiled at him, slowly. Always slowly. "I love you too." 

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*wipes eyes with a kleenex* Please, review. 


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